Mail Jokes / Recent Jokes

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON'TBE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU'RE A NERD 16. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too! 15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. 14. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" 13. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. 12. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. 11. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate. 10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk.9. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own. 8. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer e-mail. 7. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.6. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.5. No more downloads from more...

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:Thank you for calling heaven.For English press 1
For Spanish press 2
For all other languages, press 3Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.If you would like to speak to:God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign.(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666)

For reservations more...

A blonde went outside to check her mailbox, and her neighbor kept an eye on her, she had no mail, so she went back inside her house. Two minutes later, the same blonde went outside for the 2nd time to check her mailbox, and still, she had no mail, and the neighbor was confused. One minute later, again the woman comes outside to check her mailbox for the 3rd time, and again, she had no mail. This time, her neighbor went up to her and said, "The Mailman won't be here for another 3 more hours, why do you keep on checking your mail?". The blonde said, "Oh, because my computer keeps on saying, "You've got mail".

Stop neglecting children; at least learn their names & birthdays
Read all of the mail from all of the groups I've subscribed to
Limit my subscriptions of e-mail jokes to a maximum of fifty
See if there's anything on those 5 1/4" disks really worth saving
Back-up 5 gig hard drive weekly; well, maybe at least monthly
Not rush to any ftp site as soon as I hear of a new Beta
Insist that all "ten best" lists be strictly limited to ten
Not buy magazines with AOL disks just to get another 1.44MB disk
Answer Snail Mail with the same enthusiasm & promptness as e-mail
Spend less than two hours a day on the Web; on new sites anyway
Promise when I hear "Where do you want to go today ?" I won't laugh
Think of a password other than "password" to use on web sites
Try to keep "Hot" Bookmarks under 1,000 entries
Remember people who use low baud and mhz rates have feelings too
Stop using =-) in all more...

A man was trimming his bushes. His neighbor (the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see that it's empty, and goes back inside. Five minutes later, she comes back out, checks her mail again only to see that it's still empty, and goes back in. The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is there a problem?" The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a problem! My computer keeps on telling me' I've got mail'!"

In March, 1999 a man living in Kandos (near Mudgee in NSW) received a bill for his as yet unused gas line stating that he owed $0. 00. He ignored it and threw it away.
In April he received another bill and threw that one away too. The following month the gas company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his gas line if he didn't send them $0. 00 by return mail. He called them, talked to them, and they said it was a computer error and they would take care of it.
The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome gas line figuring that if there was usage on the account it would put an end to this ridiculous predicament. However, when he went to use the gas, it had been cut off.
He called the gas company who apologised for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it. The next day he got a bill for $0. 00 stating that payment was now overdue. Assuming that having spoken to them the more...

A rancher walked up to the window at the post office, where a new clerk was sorting mail.
"Any mail for Mike Howe?" the rancher asked.
The clerk ignored him and the rancher repeated his question in a louder voice. Without looking up, the clerk said, "No, none for your cow and none for your horse, either."