Mail Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands.

People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2. Use computers to look busy.

Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get caught - your best defense is to claim more...

1 Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they’re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do. 2 Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they’re not bad either. When you get caught by your boss–and you will get caught–your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to use the new software, thus more...

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick MartinI do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope. -- TynanI think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got. I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund. I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about' short' and' cheap'? -- Phyllis DillerI've been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years. If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister? If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. -- ChekhovIf you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children..." - they leave skid marks. -- Rita Rudner

You hand an envelope to the bank teller and when she asks, "What's this?" you realize you just dropped the company's deposit in the mail and gave her your mail.
While your boss is at lunch, you sneak into his office and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.
As a woman enters the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, "I waited on the last fat, ugly, old wench. This one's yours!" Your boss is standing behind you. It's his wife.
You return from a week's vacation only to find that you had actually scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.
You take a *sick* day. When you return to work the next morning your boss asks you, "So, how was the fishing at Rock Creek yesterday?"
You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and scraped knuckles. Your underwear is missing. You're in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining is due to the North Pole's loss of dominance of the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share. He could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has received unfavorable press.
I am pleased to inform you that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North more...

Peace be unto you, your computer and the e'mail you receive this day.
May the mail you receive not require you to multiply it tenfold or return it within a limited time frame.
May the mail you receive not require you to take action to prove your love, friendship, or concern for the welfare of the sender.
May the mail you receive not start with Fw: FW: Fw: Re:Fw:, not contain strangely named attachments and contain a "".
May the mail you receive not require you to look closely at those on the playground to see if they are the non-missing children you are to be searching for.
May the mail you receive not cause you to change your eating habits to avoid plagues, pestilence and the eating of parts of things that you can't buy at Wal-Mart.
May the mail you receive not encourage you to carry a steel plate on which to sit in theaters or other public places.
May the mail you receive not encourage you to learn the 800 number for the National Missing Child more...

A man was trimming his bushes. His neighbor (the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see that its empty, and goes back inside. Five minutes later, she comes back out, checks her mail again only to see that its still empty, and goes back in. The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is there a problem?"The blonde replies, "Darn right theres a problem! My computer keeps on telling me Ive got mail!"