Mail Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
60. Find out your roommate's post office box code. Open it and take his/her mail. Do this for one month. After that, send the mail to him/her by UPS.

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. - Dick Martin

I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope. - Tynan

I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got.

I tried a mail order bride, once, but she was damaged in the mail, and I had to return the unused part for my full refund.

I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about ’short’ and ‘cheap’? - Phyllis Diller

I’ve been trying desperately to save my marriage for the last 35 years.

If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?

If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry. - Chekhov

If you never want to see a man again, say, “I love more...

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is. My stupid computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"

Now I lay me down to sleep, from the nightstand buttons beep. PC all set to download a file, and send the mail in a little while. Then gather the news before the dawn, and all the scores from fans long gone. The AC is set to cut back on cool; Lights to blink, the burglars to fool. Alarm clock set on delayed shutoff; CD to play some, then cutoff. Sleep-maker set on medium tension, Voice mail set on no-wake suspension. Burglar alarm on delay activate; Carport lite on, for son who's late. Mr. Coffee all set to percolate; Dishwasher to run at ten of eight. Air purifier cleans each hour tonite; Water filter to fill the tank just right. VCR to tape three good shows, Something to watch during winter snows. Motion detectors on, to check what moves; White noise machine set to seaside soothes. Camcorder is ready to film in a flashBlender's all set, the fruit to mash. Lord, Bless our all-electric domain; Keep lightning away should it rain. Let no errant shock reset it all; Watch over the breaker more...

An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following: "Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check."In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine."

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? A: 1, 3311 to change the light bulb and to post on the mailing list that the light bulb has been changed. 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently. 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. 53 to flame the spell checkers. 156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list. 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames. 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt. lite. bulb203 to demand that cross posting to alt. grammar, alt. spelling and alt. punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped. 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to more...

10 -
I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1. 44MB disk.
- 9 -
I will stop sending email to my roommate.
- 8 -
I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.
- 7 -
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer my email.
- 6 -
When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it.
- 5 -
I will stay on the computer as long as I want. What? OK, dear... I'm coming. Never mind.
- 4 -
No more downloads from alt. binaries.*
- 3 -
I resolve to back up my new 1GB hard drive daily... well, once a week... monthly, perhaps...
- 2 -
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Net. Your standard response, "And happy holidays to you too, you bastard"
- 1 -
I won't try to get onto the Netscape ftp site as soon as a new Navigator beta comes out.
- 0 -
When I hear "Where do you want to go more...