Mail Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was sitting on his porch one afternoon when he noticed that his neighbor, a blonde, went out to her mailbox, opened it, and returned to her home empty handed.About five minutes later, he saw the blonde again. She checked the mailbox and once again, returned to her house empty handed.She did this two more times before the man decided to ask her about it. "Why do you keep coming out to your mailbox every five minutes?" the man asked."Because," replied the blonde, "my computer keeps telling me that I've got mail!"
Stop neglecting children; at least learn their names & birthdays
Read all of the mail from all of the groups I've subscribed to
Limit my subscriptions of e-mail jokes to a maximum of fifty
See if there's anything on those 5 1/4" disks really worth saving
Back-up 5 gig hard drive weekly; well, maybe at least monthly
Not rush to any ftp site as soon as I hear of a new Beta
Insist that all "ten best" lists be strictly limited to ten
Not buy magazines with AOL disks just to get another 1. 44MB disk
Answer Snail Mail with the same enthusiasm & promptness as e-mail
Spend less than two hours a day on the Web; on new sites anyway
Promise when I hear "Where do you want to go today? " I won't laugh
Think of a password other than "password" to use on web sites
Try to keep "Hot" Bookmarks under 1, 000 entries
Remember people who use low baud and mhz rates have feelings too
Stop using more...
You Know It's Time To Turn Your Computer Off When... A friend calls and says, "How are you? Your phones have been busy for a year!" You forgot how to work the TV remote control. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL." You meet the mailman at the curb and swear he said YOU'VE GOT MAIL. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes. You fall asleep, but instead of dreams you get IMs. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have AOL in your car. Tech support calls YOU for help. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out." You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said. You sneak away to your computer when everyone goes to sleep. You talk on the phone with the same person you are more...
A blonde went to her mail box several times way before it was time for the mailman to make his rounds. A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.
"No," she replied, "My computer keeps telling me I have mail."
A neighbor of a blonde was washing his car. Then he noticed his neighbor coming out and checking her mail every 5 minutes. I am going to see what she is doing, he said to himself. Finally she came out again, looking very mad. "
You must be expecting an important letter."
he said. "
No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that i got mail,"
she replied.
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Exactly five hundred. 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed. 7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs. 17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs. 21 to flame the spell checkers. 49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list. 20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames. 32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb. 69 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bul bs be stopped. 41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant more...
A girl walked over to her neighbor's for her morning chat session. When she got there, her neighbor remarked how tired she looked. "Yeah" she said, "I didn't sleep well last night, I had this really strange dream." "Do tell" said her neighbor, pouring the coffee. "Well, I dreamed I woke up and went downstairs as usual, but when I looked in the mirror my face had turned orange, and my hair was sticking straight up out of my head and was green!" "Sounds like you turned into a punk rocker or something" the neighbor said, with a grin. "No" she said, "It wasn't like that. It was as if I knew something was wrong, but it seemed normal somehow, you know what I mean?" "Sure" said the neighbor, "Everybody's had dreams like that." "Well anyway" she continued, "I decided to go down and get the mail, because even in my dream, I figured I must be dreaming, so what the heck if I was orange, you more...