Malaysia Jokes / Recent Jokes

Is this your first trip to Malaysia? Are you a tourist, a businessman or a Mat Salleh expatriate waylaid from the safe haven of Bangsar? If you are, here's some lessons to help you along Lesson 1 You have just landed in Subang International Airport and the first thing you want to do is to call your Malaysian friend. If you're calling him at home or at the office, the first thing to say on the phone is "Eh, what you doing?". If you're calling him on the handphone (cellular phone) the standard greeting is "Eh, where are you?" Lesson 2 Your Malaysian friend has graciously offered to pick you from the airport. He said "Give me half an hour?", be prepared to wait at least one and a half hours. This is probably your first (of many) encounter with Malaysian Timing. There's no need to adjust your watch. Whatever time a Malaysian tells you, just add (minimum) one hour, and you won't go wrong. Lesson 3 You have no friends in Malaysia (yet) and you decide to take a more...

Back when Vietnam was still separated as North and South, the president of South Vietnam then was President Thieun.

As he was getting a lot of unfavorable treatment from his own country's news agencies, he invited Tara Singh, a journalist from Malaysia, to brief him about the setup of Bernama.
After Tara Singh had briefed the president about Bernama, the president was impressed. He declared that it was time for him to set up his own Bernama, to counter all the criticism he has been receiving lately.
Tara Singh politely said, "But Mr. President, the name' Bernama' is already used by Malaysia... maybe if you chose another name."
"Of course, you're right! I shall name it after myself then. It will be known as Thieunama! ! ", said the president.

Tara Singh nearly choked on that! " Ahh, Mr President, that may not be the best name. To the Cantonese speaking people, that name is a four-letter word concerning mothers," said more...

As part of a' Keep Malaysia Pure' campaign, three devout Muslim guys devoted themselves to having prostitutes locked up, escort agencies closed down and all women obliged to wear sack-like dresses to conceal their figures. The Malay government was so pleased that they awarded the three a free holiday anywhere in the world. "Where would you like to go?" they were asked. The three immediately replied; "Bangkok".

Singapore and Malaysia have a different philosophies of life. This becomes apparent when we compare the two countries' Rules of Simple Living. Singapore: 1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary And indeed, that is why' Singapore is solid'! Malaysia? Well, Malaysia's Rules of Simple Living are the following: 5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Story Link House...

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in secondary school. When they finished, they wanted to both go to the same university but the girl was accepted to University Sains Malaysia in Penang, and the guy went to University Kebangsaan Malaysia in Bangi Selangor. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's more...

One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions: MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L" Miss USA: Lamp Miss Malaysia: Light bulb Miss Singapore: LADIO Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L" MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L" Miss USA: Lion Miss Malaysia: Leopard Miss Singapore: LABBIT Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L" MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question incorrectly, you are disqualified. Name me a fruit starting more...

Malaysian students set a record for most people in a Mini Cooper when 21 students got into one and stayed the mandatory 20 seconds. What they didn't say is that Malaysia is a starving nation and there was still room for a family of four in the backseat. Also unreported: The government of Malaysia announced that it will set up its headquarters in the Mini Cooper.