Malaysian Jokes

Los Angeles, Fri. In yet another Hollywood misrepresentation of Malaysia, a new movie about the world's most open black market, is being filmed. Jack Moore, an American on holiday with two friends, discovered the real pleasures of' Fascinating Malaysia'. A land where thousands and thousands of movies are available on VCD for only US$1. 50 per title. After stocking up their backpacks with tons of contraband VCDs, Jack was left with the task of packing the stuff and mailing it back home. In an unexpected plot twist, his two friends returned to the US, while Jack stayed behind to tour the rest of Bangsar. Unfortunately for him, the authorities raided his room at Rumah Tumpangan Paris before the Postlaju pick-up arrived. Jack now faces the death penalty for possession of illegal VCDs. According to the script, a little known Malaysian law states that possession of more than 5 pirated copies of the same movie subjects the offender to capital punishment. An even lesser known part of the law more...

NATIONAL FLOWER: Bunga Raya (Hibiscus). NATIONAL CAR: Proton. 2nd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Kancil. 3rd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Tikus it's suppose to be half the size of the Kancil, but somehow Malaysian drivers will still be able to squeeze in 6 or 7 passengers. NATIONAL BEHAVIOR AT CAR SHOWROOMS: First walk towards the car you are interested in. Then walk around the car in circles, tapping and knocking every part of the chassis with your knuckles. Then say something like "Body not very solid..." After that approach the front left tire, give it a few hard kicks to "test" the tire. Next walk to the rear right side and press the body of the car down a few times, while exclaiming "wah, asorbar not bad". Now you are ready for a "test drive" Get into the car and give the steering wheel a few turns. Flash the lights, sound the horn, recline the seats, open up every compartment etc. Do all these tests while you're pretending to read the more...

Dr M has great difficulty trying to find solutions to his country's economic and currency problems. He knows his brain isn't working well now. So he decides to go to the United States to have a brain transplant. He thought that with a new brain, he can think better and can find better solutions to the problems. The neurosurgeon asked Dr M if he wanted a cheap brain or an expensive one. Cheap brains are Singapore brains while the expensive ones are Malaysian brains. Dr M was simply overjoyed. He could not stop laughing. He said' At last, we have something more valuable than they have!' While smiling from ear to ear, and out of curiosity, he asked the neurosurgeon,' but why are Singapore brains so cheap and Malaysian brains so expensive?' The neurosurgeon replied' Oh, its very simple. These Singaporeans really overused their brains. They don't just plan 1 or 5 years ahead. They plan a generation ahead. Malaysians, on the other hand, hardly use their brains. These brains are virtually more...

An Indian was sitting with a Pakistani and a Malaysian in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden Saudi police entered and arrested them. They were initially sentenced to death but they contested this and were finally imprisoned for life.
But, as it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after receiving 20 lashes of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
So the Malaysian guy thought for a while and then said: "Please be tieing a pillow to my back."
This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The Pakistani guy, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back".
But even two pillows could only take 10 lashes before the whip went through again.
Before the Indian fellow could say more...

Is this your first trip to Malaysia? Are you a tourist, a businessman or a Mat Salleh expatriate waylaid from the safe haven of Bangsar? If you are, here's some lessons to help you along Lesson 1 You have just landed in Subang International Airport and the first thing you want to do is to call your Malaysian friend. If you're calling him at home or at the office, the first thing to say on the phone is "Eh, what you doing?". If you're calling him on the handphone (cellular phone) the standard greeting is "Eh, where are you?" Lesson 2 Your Malaysian friend has graciously offered to pick you from the airport. He said "Give me half an hour?", be prepared to wait at least one and a half hours. This is probably your first (of many) encounter with Malaysian Timing. There's no need to adjust your watch. Whatever time a Malaysian tells you, just add (minimum) one hour, and you won't go wrong. Lesson 3 You have no friends in Malaysia (yet) and you decide to take a more...