Male Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why Men Always Have Opinions, Even On Subjects They Know Nothing About In the animal kingdom, males
exhibit what is known as "display behavior" in order to attract females and to ward off rival males.
They thrust out their chests, ruffle their plummage, and generally try to appear more impressive than
they really are. On nature shows, this is comic. It appears comic, too, when it shows up among
humans: the guy in the Camaro with all the gold chains, say, or Vanilla Ice's haircut. It has been
discovered that display behavior is much more common among humans than had been previously believed.
Have you ever wondered why:
Men who have never been west of Kentucky can tell you about the mentality of the Japanese?
Men who can't pay their credit-card bills have a plan for dealing with the national debt?
Men who aren't on speaking terms with their families know how to achieve peace in the Middle
East?
Men who flunked high-school more...

There was a hooker who lives in LA who had two female parrets, and only thing parrots seem to know how to say is "We are hookers and we are here to F***. And there is no way the poor hooker was going to get them to say anything else.
So she went to the church one day and told the father of her problem and the father said that he has two male parrots and all they seem to know and do is pray all day long, and that if she were to bring her two parrots over, he can put them together and have the female parents to learn to pray instead.
So hooker thinking that this is a good idea, took the parrots over to the church. As soon as the father puts them into the cage with the males the two parrots said "We are hookes and we are here to F***."
The two male parrots looked at each other with sudden suprise and one tells the other quinching his rosary beads to "Brother stop this, our prayers are finally answered!"

Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Know
this, and you will have come far in understanding men and enriching
your own life..
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and
you are the first human they encounter. As a token of
intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but
incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing
all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy,
wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently
eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth.
You decide to:
A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life
do you miss the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs
3. When is it okay to kiss another male?
A. When you wish to more...

One afternoon, two worms were crawling through the grass. The male worm said to female worm, "How about if you and I go back to your place?"
The female worm said, "Okay." So, the two worms went back to her place and the male worm noticed that the female worm is wearing a wedding ring.
The male worm said, "I'm sorry honey, but I don't do this sort of thing with married worms."
The female worm replied, "Don't worry. My husband is not coming home."
The male worm asked, "How do you know that for sure?"
The female worm answered, " Well, he got up early this morning and went fishing."

The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to
say. "Things don't look good." The only chance is a brain transplant. This
is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains
are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000."
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the
men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But
the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in
price between male brains and female brains?"
"A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team.
"Women's brains have to be marked down because they have actually
been used."

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.

One one of the lists I subscribe to, a 14-year old posted this little gem:
"Uncle Al thinks very highly of women with lush mammary acreages. Also of women without. And of all the women in-between, too. This is a behavioral phase the human male passes through. It begins at puberty and lasts until death."