Mall Jokes / Recent Jokes

70s fashion model, Twiggy, decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size.
She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAA-AAA-AAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so Twiggy left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.
Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

A couple of days ago, I was rushing around attempting to do some last minute shopping. At the time, I was very stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season at all.
It was dark, cold and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car with the gifts I felt obligated to buy. It was then that I noticed I was missing a receipt that I might need later. Grumbling under my breath, I headed back to the mall entrance.
As I searched the pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. Upon investigating, I found that the crying was coming from a shabbily dressed boy of about 12 years old. He was short and thin, had no coat, and was only wearing an old, tattered flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill. Strangely enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand.
Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and more...

The Perfect Woman would say:
1. I'll swallow it all... I love the taste.
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!
5. God..if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
7. You're so sexy when you're hungover.
8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.
12. I'll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
14. Honey..our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes more...

The Perfect Woman would say: 1. I'll swallow it all... I love the taste.2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink? 3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy! 4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome! 5. God..if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust! 6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again? 7. You're so sexy when you're hungover.8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend? 11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.12. I'll be out painting the house.13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.14. Honey..our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see! 15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.16. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil more...

*25 Things a Wife would say in a "perfect world!*

1) I'll swallow it all... I love the taste! 2) Are you sure you've had enough to drink? 3) I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy! 4) Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies? 5) That was a great fart! Do another one! 6) I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house. 7) You're so sexy when you're hungover. 8) I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping. 9) Let's subscribe to Hustler. 10) Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend? 11) Say, let's go to the mall so you can check out women's asses. 12) I'll be painting the house. 13) I love it when you play golf on Sundays, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too. 14) Honey, our new neighbors 16 year old daughter is sunbathing again, come see! 15) I know it's a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again? 16) No, No, I'll take the car for an oil change. 17) Your mother is way better than mine. 18) Do me a more...

An extremely flat-chested woman decided she needed a bra, so she set out to the shopping mall in search of one in her size.
Her first stop was at an upscale department store, where she approached the saleslady in lingerie and asked, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she was rebuffed in much the same manner.
After trying a third department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove over to Walmart.
Stomping up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned her blouse, threw it open and yelled, "Do you have anything for this?"
The clerk looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

A friend of mine and his family were taking a trip to the mall. On the way, their 18 month old son had a massive blow out poopy diaper. In the mall parking lot, the diaper was changed and put in a Dillard's bag. Embarrassed by the incredibly bad smell, the couple decided to leave the bag on the hood of the car to be thrown in a dumpster as opposed to a mall trash can. A couple of hours later when the family was returning to the car, they saw an old, beat up pick-up stop at their car. A young man jumped out and hurriedly threw the Dillard's bag into the cab. He got back in and the pick up sped off with what he thought was a mighty haul.