Mall Jokes / Recent Jokes

*25 Things a Wife would say in a "perfect world!*1) I'll swallow it all... I love the taste! 2) Are you sure you've had enough to drink? 3) I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy! 4) Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies? 5) That was a great fart! Do another one! 6) I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house. 7) You're so sexy when you're hungover. 8) I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping. 9) Let's subscribe to Hustler. 10) Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend? 11) Say, let's go to the mall so you can check out women's asses. 12) I'll be painting the house. 13) I love it when you play golf on Sundays, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too. 14) Honey, our new neighbors 16 year old daughter is sunbathing again, come see! 15) I know it's a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again? 16) No, No, I'll take the car for an oil change. 17) Your mother is way better than mine. 18) Do me a favor... forget more...

There was a blind man walking with his dog in the mall. All of a sudden he starts swinging his dog in circles over his head.
A security guard runs up to him and says "Mister, what are you doing?"
The man says "Just looking around."

AN AMISH FAMILY GOES TO A MALL FOR THE FIRST TIME. THE MOTHER & DAUGHTER GO ONE WAY, THE FATHER & SON THE OTHER.
THE FATHER & SON COME UPON AN ELEVATOR, WHICH NEITHER HAD EVER SEEN.
WHAT IS THIS, PAPA, THE BOY ASKED?
I DO NOT KNOW, REPLIED THE FATHER.
AT THAT, A FAT UGLY WOMEN STEPPED TO THE DOORS, PRESSED THE BUTTON AND AS IF BY MAGIC, THE DOORS OPENED AND IN WALKED THE FAT, UGLY WOMEN.
THEY WATCHED THE LIGHTS BLINK OVER THE DOORS, 3-4-5-6 AND THEN THEY BLINKED AGAIN, 6-5-4-3 AND THE DOORS OPENED AGAIN, AUTOMATICALLY. AND OUT STEPPED A BEAUTIFUL, WELL ENDOWED GIRL.
WHAT IS THIS THING PAPA, THE BOY ASKED AGAIN?
I DO NOT KNOW MY SON, BUT GO AND FIND YOUR MOTHER !

The Associated Press: "A man shouting "freedom and liberty for all" set himself on fire in a suburban shopping mall Friday and hurled flaming objects at shoppers..."
- Friday, November 23, 2001
You warned them you'd do it if they opened up a sixth Starbucks.
Line for Santa is like two hours long.
"Chilly."
Been searching for 45 minutes for your car in the garage and you just don't know where the hell it is.
Compared to walking around while your wife looks at cups for another hour, it's bliss.
Can't find a chair.
Want to prove to your idiot friend that the combo fire extinguisher / martini mixer for sale in that stupid gadget store simply won't work.
You just lifted four CD's from Coconuts and you sense mall security closing in - and those bastards won't take you alive.
It was either that or let them force you to eat one of them disgusting Cinnabons.
Swallowed all bin Laden's crap about them 82 virgins.
You more...

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big tits."

1. Stand in front of a supermarket wearing a Santa suit, ringing
a bell and wishing everyone a Happy Hanukkah.

2. Wrap yourself in swaddling clothes and lay in the manger of
the neighbor's nativity scene.

3. Put on a Santa suit and open a mall kiosk that sells reindeer
jerky and Easter Bunny filets.

4. Call Park Rangers in your area and tell them Rudolph is sick.
Ask if you can borrow one of their reindeers. If they tell you
no, then yell at them telling them they are heartless bastards
for ruining Christmas for all the children around the world.

5. Wear a Santa suit to the nearest red light district and stand
on the corner saying "Ho! Ho! Ho!" as women walk by.

6. Get a job as a mall Santa and then tell all the children that
they've been naughty and won't be getting any presents this
year.

7. Create snow sculptures in your yard of snowmen in more...

You know how most extended families email or call each other after a mall shooting to make sure everyone back home is OK? In my family we call to make sure none of us was the shooter.