Mall Jokes / Recent Jokes

On my way home from the second job I’ve taken for the extra holiday cash I need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my wallet is a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about people getting upset with me.
ME: “Hi, I’d like one seven layer burrito please, to go. ”
IT: “Is that it? ”
ME: “Yep. ”
IT: “That’ll be $1. 04, eat here? ”
ME: “No, it’s *to* *go*. ” [I hate effort duplication.]
At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny and says
IT: “Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back. ”
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them.
IT: “Hey, you ever see a $2 bill? ”
MG: “No. A what? ”
IT: “A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me. ”
MG: “Ask for more...

An old italian couple is walking around in the mall. Aftera while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband. So the Italian woman goes to aks another saleswoman: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" "No, I'm sorry maam, I haven't seen your husband." The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and ask: "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?" The saleswoman answers: "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here lickety split." To which the Italian woman answers: "No no no, that's not-a my tony, he pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts but he no lickety split!"

1. Stand in front of a supermarket wearing a Santa suit, ringing
a bell and wishing everyone a Happy Hanukkah.

2. Wrap yourself in swaddling clothes and lay in the manger of the neighbor's nativity scene.

3. Put on a Santa suit and open a mall kiosk that sells reindeer
jerky and Easter Bunny filets.

4. Call Park Rangers in your area and tell them Rudolph is sick.
Ask if you can borrow one of their reindeers. If they tell you
no, then yell at them telling them they are heartless bastards for ruining Christmas for all the children around the world.

5. Wear a Santa suit to the nearest red light district and stand on the corner saying "Ho!" as women walk by.

6. Get a job as a mall Santa and then tell all the children that they've been naughty and won't be getting any presents this year.

7. Create snow sculptures in your yard of snowmen in suggestive poses.

8. Buy a package of more...

There was this $20 dollar bill and a $1 dollar bill on the conveyor belt at the downtown Federal Reserve Building. As they were laying there side by side the $1 dollar bill said to the $20 dollar bill, "Hey mannnnnn, where have you been. I haven't seen you in a long time? "

The $20 dollar bill replied, "Man I have been having a ball!! I been traveling to distant countries, going to the finest restaurants, to the biggest and best casinos, numerous boutiques, the mall uptown, the mall downtown, the mall across town and even a mall that I just newly built. In fact, just this week I've been to Europe, a professional NBA game, Rodeo Drive, the all day retreat spa,, the top-notch hair salon and the new casino!! I have done it all!!! "

After describing his great travels, the $20 dollar bill asked the $1 dollar bill, " What about you? Where have you been?" The $1 dollar replied, "Well, I've been to the Baptist church, the Methodist more...

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.
Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"

Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the mall,
Not a creature was idle,
shoppers least of all;

The merchandise was placed in the windows with care,
In hopes that great sale shoppers soon would be there.

The parents were hoping to keep out of the red,
While visions of tax returns danced in their heads;
And Ma in her overcoat and Pa in his fleece,
Headed to the mall despite a tight winter squeeze.

When out from the womenswear, there arose such a clatter,
We looked up from our wares to see what was the matter.
Away to the sales rack we flew like a flash,
Tore off the clothing and paid it with cash.

The moms with kids were all in tow,
The stores were all aglow,
When all at once we saw him appear,
A fat old man with a great white beard!

With all the bustle so lively and quick,
We knew in a moment it was just a trick.
Ten bucks for a photo, on the lap more...

One snowy December, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute Christmas shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season just then. It was dark, cold and wet in the parking lot as I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy. I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I would probably need later on, so muttering under my breath, I retraced my steps to the mall entrance.

As I was searching the wet pavement for the missing receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing nearby. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy, who I guessed was about 12 years old. He was short and thin, and had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold winter night's chill.

Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand. Thinking that he had gotten separated from his parents and was lost, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story - he said that he came from a large more...