Man Jokes / Recent Jokes

One bright, beautiful Sabbath morning everyone in the tiny Midwestern town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started the towns people were sitting in their pews when suddenly Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the exit, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate. Soon everyone evacuated from the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew. He was not moving and seemed oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now, this confused and irritated the Devil a little bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" "Yep, sure do," replied the elderly gentleman. Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't, " the gentleman replied. Satan, a little more perturbed at this, asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been more...

A man had an accident, so he was rushed to the hospital The doctor had to perform an instant operation, due to his injuries.
The man was wounded on the face and a deep scar was formed on his skin, but under his bushy beard.
The doctor shaved off a part of the man's beard and then performed the surgery.
Afterwards, the doctor performed more surgery to replace the missing part of the beard, so he would look good as new. The doctor cut off some of the man's pubic hair and planted it surgically on the man's face where the beard was missing.
The patient awakened and then after 2-3 days, he was discharged and he went back home.
After six months, the patient came to the hospital to talk to the doctor who performed his operation.
The patient said,' 'Doc, everything is okay, but a peculiar thing has happened to me many times.''
The doctor asks,' 'What is happening?''
The patient replies,' 'Whenever I scratch my beard, my penis gets erect!''

30> Given an infinite number of geeks in an infinite number of "Star Trek" conventions, would there be at least one with a life?

29> Why is Pauly Shore so successful, while a deserving and talented actor like Tom Arnold is still struggling?

28> Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Ask why Bell charges so much for toll calls.

27> Can God make Marlon Brando so big that even He can't move him?

26> If you could go back in time, would you give Hitler a wedgie?

25> The sky's just BLUE, dammit! Get over it!

24> If you sell a video explaining how you didn't kill your ex-wife and her male friend and no one buys it, does it make a sound?

23> What will I have for lunch today -- chicken salad or egg salad?

22> How much cheese could Chuck E. Cheese chuck if Chuck E. Cheese could chuck cheese?

21> Yeah, where the hell *is* Waldo?

20> If a monk, living in a monastery, takes a vow of more...

Confucius Says Jokes
Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.
Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.
Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
State of pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously something poked in fun.
He who buries a man's wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man's dinner table without the subject coming up.
He who plays with self, pulls boner.
Baseball all wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk.
House without toilet is uncanny.
Man trapped in brothel get jerked around.
Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.
Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.
Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
Man who lay woman more...

A man walked into the Lingerie Department of Macy's in New York City.
He tells the sales lady, "I would like a Jewish bra for my wife, size 34B."
With a quizzical look, the sales lady asked, "What kind of bra?"
He repeated "A Jewish bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish bra, and that you would know what she wanted."
Ah...... now I remember," said the saleslady. "We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra."
Confused, and a little flustered, the man sked "So, what are the differences?"
The sales lady responded. "It is really quite simple. The Catholic bra supports the masses. The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen, and the Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright."
He mused on that information for a minute and said: "Hmmm. I know I'll regret asking, but more...

Dentist: Just let me finish and you will be another man after these cosmetic procedures. Patient: Okay doc, but don't forget to send your bill to the other man.

BRAIN - SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered.
CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report!
NUMBER ONE: Sir! We're picking up loud music.
CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep!
NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it's "The Last Train to Clarksville."
CENTRAL: Good lord, are we being tortured?
NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction.
CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on.
NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness... darkness... Wait, there's a
woman sleeping there.
CENTRAL: A woman?
NUMBER ONE: Sir, Libido Station wants to know if it is Anna Kournikova.
CENTRAL: Forget about Libido. What can you tell me?
NUMBER ONE: Sir, Memory reports a near perfect match to "wife," sir.
CENTRAL: Well of course. Keep looking.
NUMBER ONE: Sir, urgent report from Stomach on the horn, do you want to take it?
CENTRAL: Stomach, what's going on?
STOMACH: Sir, we've taken a more...