Man Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was sitting at the bar during a dress party when someone went up to him and said, "Hey, I thought you were supposed to dress up in something that symbolized your love life?"
The man said, "I am."
The other guy said, "You look like Abe Lincoln."
The man said, "That's true My last 4 scores were 7 years ago."
Two employees form the gas company were at a house call. The younger man said to the older one, "Geez, you''re old!"
"Yeah, that may be so, but I can still outrun you," replied the older employee.
"How about a foot race to see if you''re right," said the younger employee.
With that they start running at full speed around that block. The older man kept up with the younger man around the first corner, the second corner, the third corner. As they come up on the last corner, the younger man sees an elderly woman running as fast as her legs could carry her. Puzzled by this, they both stop ask her why she was running behind them. The old woman caught her breath and said, "Well, you were at my home checking my gas meter, and when I saw you running away, I figured I''d better run too!"
A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life, so she placed a personal ad that read:
RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:
1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away."
The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?"
To which more...
Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot". The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.". The third man married a school teacher. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too frigid". The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day. At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The more...
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have no money for food," the first man replied.
"Then you must come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer.
"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here," said the man.
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.
The second man exclaimed, "I got a wife and six kids!"
"Bring them as well!", the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.
They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "I'm most happy to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall."
In an indian camp there lived an INDIAN chief who had a problem. .. he had constepation... so he send his apprentice to the medicine man to fetch some medicine.. which would unconstepate him!
The apprentice goes to the medicine man.. says BIG CHIEF NO SHIT! THE medicine man gives the boy a samll package saying. . this is strong medicine thats y only take in small quantiy.. ask chief to take this. .. the apprentice goes bak and gives it to the chief. .. who takes it happily. ..
But again the nextday the chief had no luk. the apprentice goes bak to the medicine man and says. . BIG CHIEF NO SHIT! medicine man gives a stronger dose this time. ... boy goes bak and hands it to the chief. .. again no luck so next day he goes back
says BIG CHIEF NO SHIT! the medicine man gives him the strongest dose. . and says give this to chief.. the boy returns and gives it to the chief. . who was now desperate...
The next day the boy returns saying "MEDICINE MAN MEDICINE more...