Manager Jokes / Recent Jokes

Memo from Director General to Manager:
Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.
Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The Director General will today more...

Searching for the perfect gift for his dear wife who loved animals and birds in particular, a man dropped in to the local pet shop to see if he could come up with an idea. The pet store manager told the man, "I have just the thing you're looking for, a bird named Chet".
Impressed with the look of the bird as the manager pointed out "Chet" on the near by perch, the man was even more intrigued when the manager pointed out that "Chet" could sing Christmas Carols.
Approaching the bird "Chet", the manager took out his lighter and said "Yes, just listen." As the manager lit his lighter and moved it gently below Chets right foot the bird immediately broke into "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all..." but then, when the manager moved the lighter below Chet's left foot, the bird switched to "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the one's...".
Astonishment was the only way to describe the husband's more...

Sign in a science teacher's room: "If it moves, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics."Sign in butchers window: "Pleased to meat you." Sign on auto body shop: "May we have the next dents?" Sign at the dry cleaner's window: "Drop your pants here." Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager." Sign in an Acapulco Hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here." Sign in a Norwegian lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar." Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further."

One day a proud mother entered the record compagny. "My daughter is a real Popstar! She sings just like Withney Houston."
The manager replied: "I can hardly believe that".
"But I brought a tape, you listen to that!", urged the mother. She handed over her tape.
The manager put in his tape-deck. A golden voice filled the room and the manager closed his eyes and enjoyed the singing. When the song was finished, he opened his eyes and said: "But that was Withney Houston!"
"Yes, and my daughter sings just like that."

Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are - very slowly?"
The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8: 00 AM.
The next day at 8: 45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, more...

Noticing a new employee, the Manager called him into his office. "What's your name?" he asked him.
"Bob," replied the new guy.
"Look, I don't know what kind of a place you worked in before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity which leads to a breakdown in authority. Around here, I refer to the employees by last name only... Smith, Jones, etc. I'm referred to only as Mr. Richards. Now that we've got that out of the way, what is your last name?" the manager growled.
"Darling. My name is Bob Darling," sighed the new employee.
"Ok Bob, the next thing I'd like to say is... "