Manchester Jokes

2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, 000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave.
"R hey lad" they say "gissa lift". The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20, 000 bowling balls. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees.
They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester more...

Difference between soccer players can be seen in a cornerkick rebound:chelsea player-force the shot,barcelona player-dribble past two players and take the shot,manchester united player-fake the shot and pass to a better positioned player,arsenal player-fake the shot and dribble past two players then pass to your own goalkeeper...

It was Christmas and David Beckham had just lost his
career in English Football Squad, been sacked from Manchester United and had been dumped up Victora Beckham (his wife)
He was about to commit sucide when all of a sudden he heard a jingle and a "ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!"
He stopped and looked around and he saw Santa Claus pull up to him on his Sleigh.
Santa said "David what are you doing?"
David replied "I've just lost my
career in the English Football Squad, been sacked from Manchester United and had been dumped up wife.
So I am about to commit sucide of this cliff."
Santa replied "well David as you know I am Santa Claus and I can grant you any 3 wishes you want, but first you must do me a favour"
He instructed David to pull down his pants and bent over while Santa did his business.
Over that David pulled up his trousers and said "Santa these are my 3 wishes, can you get me back into more...

Manchester scientists have invented a plastic bag which
biodegrades when exposed to sunlight. Unfortunately
this means that in Manchester they are expected to
survive longer than ordinary plastic bags.

Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.