Marine Jokes / Recent Jokes

A college professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class.
He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated that there is no God, the expression "One Nation Under God", was unconstitutional, and further, he was going to prove there is no God.
Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
The lecture room fell silent.
You could have heard a pin fall.
Ten minutes went by.
Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."
His countdown got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine just released from active duty and newly registered in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him tail over teacup from his lofty platform.
The professor was out cold!
At first the students were shocked and babbled in confusion.
The young Marine took a seat in the front more...

The new hooker just finished her first trick and when she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details. She said, "Well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine."
"Well, what did he want to do?" they all asked.
She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much."
"So I told him a blow job would be $75, but he didn't have that much either. Finally I asked, 'Well, how much do you have?'"
The marine said that he only had $25.
The new hooker said, "Well, for $25 all I can give you is a hand job."
He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said, "he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand..."
"Oh my God," they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge! then what did
you do?"
"I loaned him more...

An Australian Combat Field Engineer Sergeant and a U. S Marine were on exchange duty and were sharing the latrines.

The Aussie Sergeant finished first and walked out without washing his hands. The U. S Marine watched in disgust, finished his squirt, washed his hands and walked up to the Aussie Sergeant and said. " In the U. S Marine Corps we were taught to wash our hands after a leak".

The rather large Aussie Sergeant replied, " In the Australian Army mate, we were taught not to piss on our hands. ..! "

Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first Marine said "those are deer tracks." The second Marine said "No, those are elk tracks." The third Marine said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.

Q. Why did congress enact the Marine Corps? A. So, the sailors would have someone to dance with!

Q. "Why do the commodes in Marine barracks have the cut-out type seats?" A. "So that if the seat falls while theyre drinking, it wont smack them in the back of the head"

A man was on holiday in the depths of The Northern Territory where he tried to buy some Crocodile shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man. I'll go and kill my own croc."
To which the shopkeeper replied "By all means, just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same. So the man went out into the Bush and after a while saw two men with spears standing still in the water.
"They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed a crocodile moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive as the croc came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the lad the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the croc up onto the beach where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw the croc onto its back Where-upon one exclaimed more...