Marine Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Bathroom Military (off. to Marines / explicit language!)
A Sailor and a Marine are taking a leak in the head. The Sailor finishes and goes for the door. The Marine finishes and heads for the sink.
He calls out to the Sailor, "Hey! Aren t you going to wash you hand? In The Corps they taught us to wash up afterwards."
The Sailor replies, "Well, in the Navy they just told us not to piss on our hands." A Marine walks in to the head. A little boy who was on his way out looks at him, smiles, and asks, "Are you a REAL Marine?"
The Marine replies, "Why yes I am son... Say - you want to wear my hat?"
The boy replies, "Sure mister!", and put the hat on his head. As the Marine entered a stall the boy placed himself on "guard duty" by the door. Shortly, a Sailor entered the head.
The little boy again looked up, smiled, and asked, "Are you a REAL Sailor?"
The Sailor replied, "Why yes I more...

An Army Sergeant and a Marine Sergeant were training together at Little Creek Naval Amphibious Base. The Army Sergeant suddenly gets the urge and makes a run for the latrine. THe Marine Sergeant then feels he had a little to much to drink also and follows the Army Sergeant into the latrine. The Army Sergeant quickly finishes up and walks straight outside. The Marine Sergeant sees this and gets pissed off. He quickly washes his hands and races out to find the Army Sergeant. “Hey, ” he says, ”in the Marines, the teach us to wash our hands after we go to the head. ”
The Army Sergeant looks at him and replies, ”In the army, they teach us not to piss on our hands. ”
My
Ass
Rides
In
Naval
Equipment

Muscles
Are
Required
Intelligence
Never
Existed

Never
Again
Volunteer
Yourself

Aint
Ready for
Marines
Yet

A young Army 1st Lt. is in the bathroom (head) releaving himself at the urinal, when a young boy walks in. The boy, seeing the young Lt.'s green uniform asks him if he was in the Army. The Lt. smiles and say's, "Why yes I am... you wanna wear my hat?" The boy nods and the hat is placed on his head. As the boy admired himself in the mirror, the bathroom door slammed open and an old Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt walked in. He was decked out in his Dress Blue Uniform, with medals down his chest. The boy, seeing the uniform asked him, "Hey, are you a Marine?" The Gunnery Sgt peared down at the boy and responded, "That's right! Why? Do wanna suck me off?" The boy replied nervously, "I-I-I'm not in the Army!! I'm just wearing his hat!!"Sent by Brian

A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The
marine finishes first and
washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine
says to him: hey, in the
marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss. The
sailor says: yeah well, in
the navy they teach us to not piss on our hands.

The General was ordered by the Secretary of Defense to gather his officers from the Army, Navy, Marine Corps, and Air Force and try and figure out why there's so much difficulty in communicating with each other.The General gathers his Captains (and his Navy Lieutenant), and tells them their first task is to “secure” a particular building. He orders them to go home and prepare a list of steps for the plan and bring them back to him the next morning.The Navy Lieutenant calls his Master Chief and says:Tell those swabs to:
-- Unplug the coffeepots
-- Turn off the computers
-- Turn out the lights
-- Lock the doors and leave the building unoccupiedThe Army Captain has his list in his notepad:
-- Assemble the company
-- Appoint guard mount and Sergeant of the Guard
-- Take control of all exits
-- Make sure no one gets into the building without a passThe Marine Corps Captain writes down her steps on palm of her hand:
-- Assemble the platoon and more...

Source - Some sick demented BMC I used to know...
A Sailor and a Marine are taking a leak in the head. The Sailor finishes and goes for the door. The Marine finishes and heads for the sink.
He calls out to the Sailor, "Hey! Aren t you going to wash you hand? In The Corps they taught us to wash up afterwards."
The Sailor replies, "Well, in the Navy they just told us not to piss on our hands."
A Marine walks in to the head. A little boy who was on his way out looks at him, smiles, and asks, "Are you a REAL Marine?"
The Marine replies, "Why yes I am son... Say - you want to wear my hat?"
The boy replies, "Sure mister!", and put the hat on his head. As the Marine entered a stall the boy placed himself on "guard duty" by the door. Shortly, a Sailor entered the head.
The little boy again looked up, smiled, and asked, "Are you a REAL Sailor?"
The Sailor replied, "Why yes I am... You more...

The president got off the helicopter in front of the White House with a baby hog under each arm. The Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "Nice pigs, sir". The president replied, "These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback hogs. I got one for Hillary and I got one for Chelsea." The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and replied, "Nice trade, sir."