Market Jokes / Recent Jokes
Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example... The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40, 000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth." In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead." Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off." The American more...
A dad walks into a market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a quarter in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market, someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment. The coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking, going blue in the face and dad starts panicking, shouting for help. A well-dressed middle-aged, moderately attractive but serious woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market, reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds her newspaper and places it on the counter. She then gets up from her seat and makes her unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy’s testicles and squeezes gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, more...
Microsoft Market Penetration-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-INTRODUCING CONTRACEPTIVE98! ! ! Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating everyaspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, asuite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsofthas been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. Itbelieves these technologies will give it substantial leverage inpenetrating the copulation enhancement market.The product addresses two important user concerns: the need forvirus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure thenon-propagation of life.The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from NortonUtilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in thepackage. The suite also comes in two expanded versions.Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client / Server edition, forprofessionals in the sexual services sector.Contraceptive98 Small more...
According to an AP article, Wal-Mart is pulling out of the German market after a decade-long effort to crack Europe's biggest economy.
The German market was none too pleased, and had some sharp words for the American mega-retailer.
"Yah, zis Val-Mart says it iss pullink out. Der last time zis happened, it alzo promised to pull out. Zen 9 months later, I am left mit zis fatass white-trash kid who all day long iss whinink for der pork rinds und PlayZtation!"
Feudalism
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with
everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government
gives you a glass of milk.
Bureaucratic Socialism
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the
chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives
you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of
them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about
who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one
works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Russian Communism
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but more...
A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.
When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, “I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see! ”
So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. “Henry”, he said, “I’m counting on you to do your stuff. ” And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house.
Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn’t stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same.
The farmer, watching all more...
After the recent Anti-trust hearings, Bill Gates recently compared the software market with the soft drink market. He says Microsoft is struggling to survive but that the beverage giant will be on top forever because the Department of Justice doesn't pick on them. Of course, Bill should be careful not to give Coke any ideas. We might end up with a scenario like the following:
Joe: (walking into McDonalds) Hi, I'd like a Big Mac.
Cashier: Okay, here's your Big Mac and here's your Coke. That'll be $3.99.
Joe: Uh, I don't want a Coke.
Cashier: Sorry, they're bundled.
Joe: What? I'm not paying for a Coke!
Cashier: You don't; the Coke is free.
Joe: But wasn't a Big Mac $2.49 last week?
Cashier: Sure, but this latest Big Mac is far more innovative. It's got integrated Coke!
Joe: I already bought a Snapple across the street... I'm not going to drink the Coke.
Cashier: Then you can't more...