Martin Jokes / Recent Jokes
Senator Larry Craig's lawyer, William Martin, said his client only pleaded guilty in a sex sting because he was under extreme stress from journalists.
"It was like he couldn't even go to the bathroom without being approached," said Martin.
I'm not rich like Jack, don't have a mansion like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do love you and want to marry you. I love you too, but what was that you said about Martin!
Little Martin is four years old. One day while he was pestering his mother, she said, "Why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work, maybe you will learn something." Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had learned. Martin replied - "Well first you put the goddamn door up. Then the son of a bitch doesn't fit so you have to take the cock sucker down. Then you have to shave a cunt hair off each side and put the mother fucker back up." Martin's mother said, "Wait until your father gets home." When Martin's father got home, Martin's mum told him to ask Martin what he had learnt today. When Martin told him the whole story, dad said, "Martin, go outside and get me a switch." Martin replied, "Get fucked. That's the electrician's job."
Martin asked David, "In which state does the Ohio River run?" David answered with cool, "In the liquid state."
The most famous person
Moishe got a new job with a firm of Accountants. One afternoon in the second week, he entered Martin Lewis’s office and declared: "Boss, I know everybody in the world."
Obviously, Martin didn`t believe him and replied, "Everybody in the whole world?" Moishe said, "Yes sir, and you can choose anyone, and I will prove it." After a moment, Martin said, "I bet you don`t know Madonna." Moishe said, "I talk to her very often by e-mail, and what`s more we`ve had dinner together. Now we are friends."
Martin decided to uncover the ruse, so he bought 2 tickets to Hollywood and they went to Madonna`s house. Madonna personally opened the door. She opened her arms and said, "Oh Moishe, what a surprise! Come in, you and your friend." They spent a very nice afternoon there. But Martin wasn`t convinced. He thought that it could just have been a coincidence, so he said, "How about President more...
Martin had just received his brand new driver's license.
The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.
"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
Santa had twins; he named them Tin & Martin.
Again he had twins & named them Peter & Repeater.
Again he had twins & named them Max & Climax.
Next time he had twins, disgusted Santa named them TIRED & RETIRED!