Martin Jokes / Recent Jokes
A husband and wife pulled guns on each other and shot it out at church during a marriage counseling session after he arrived late, drinking a beer. Both were wounded. With a beer in one hand and a gun in the other, Michael Martin shot his wife as she tried to walk out of the meeting at St. James Episcopal Cathedral, their counselor said.
A bleeding Bonnie Martin pulled a pistol from her purse and shot her husband in the shoulder. The two took the gunbattle outside, where Bonnie Martin collapsed and was fired on again. Michael Martin allegedly hit his wife at least once more before he ran out of bullets. "They were arguing.
It was your typical domestic dispute. Then the fireworks started. It's a good thing that he had been drinking because he could have hit her more," said the Rev. Bud Searcy. He was a lousy shot."
Nearly everyone knows that Judith Martin, better known as Miss
Manners, the syndicated columnist, is exceedingly correct. Last
week, she saw an advertisement in the newspaper that a Maryland
jewelry store was having a sale in her silver pattern. Upon arriving
at the store, she told the jeweler she was looking for additional
dessert spoons in her pattern and had been making do with the larger
soup spoons.
"That's not much of a hardship," the employee said. "It is
for me," Martin responded. Caught up in the moment, the saleswoman
joked, "Who do you think you are, Miss Manners?" The easily
recognizable Miss Manners looked at the woman, unable to respond. And
then it registered. "Oh my God!" the saleswoman said.
from the Jan 26 San Jose Mercury News
The following, said to be a true story as seen by millions of viewers on a Spanish T.V. Channel:
The parents of a teenage girl decided to put their daughter's name forward for a Surprise Game Show - she idolised Teen-Age Pop Star "Ricky Martin", and they arranged for TV cameras to be placed throughout the house.
The house was then left empty with Ricky Martin hidden in the wardrobe in the girls bedroom - all set to give the daughter a wonderful surprise. However, upon returning home from school and finding the house empty, the daughter made her way down to the kitchen where she opened the fridge and removed a tin of pate - at this stage the live TV audience is wondering "what the hell is going on?
She then went back upstairs to her bedroom where she proceeded to remove all her clothes and spread pate all over her triangle of womanhood (at this stage Ricky Martin is still hidden inside the wardrobe, and half of Spain is seeing a young more...
John, Brian, and Martin were sitting on the front porch, drinking a little 'shine, and talking about their dumb ole' hillbilly wives.
"You know, boys, my wife Judi is SO stupid. She went down to the store 'tother day and bought an air-conditioner! Hell, boys, we ain't got no 'lectricity!"
The other two just howl with laughter.
Brian the Miniature says, "Hell, that ain't nothing - my dumbass wife went down to the store and bought herself a washing machine! We ain't got no runnin' water!"
That one nearly slayed 'em.
Martin wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Well, I reckon my bride's GOT to be the stupidest of the bunch, boys. 'tother day I was snooping thru her purse to find me a couple dollars to play some poker with. I found six or seven rubbers - hell, she ain't got no dick!"