Match Jokes / Recent Jokes
Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says “Hello”. The voice at the end of the phone says “Hello Mr. Hussein, it’s Paddy here. I’m just ringing to let you know that we’ve declared war on your country. ” SH smiles to himself, “Come on Paddy”, he says, “there’s no point you declaring war on us, you wouldn’t stand a chance. ” Paddy replies, “No, no, we’ve had ourselves a meeting, and we’ve decided to declare war on you. ”
So SH says, “OK Paddy, now listen, I’ve got an air force of over a thousand planes, what kind of air force have you got to match that? It’d be over in no time. ” So Paddy says, “Well my lad’s got himself a hot-air balloon, and my brother used to work at an airport. ” Hussein laughs, “Oh come on, you’ve not got a hope”. “Hold on a sec, Mr. Hussein, “, Paddy says, “we’ll just have a quick meeting. ” So off he goes and has a quick meeting. “Are you still there Mr. more...
Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello". The voice at the end of the phone says "Hello Mr. Hussein, it's Paddy here. I'm just ringing to let you know that we've declared war on your country." SH smiles to himself, "Come on Paddy", he says, "there's no point you declaring war on us, you wouldn't stand a chance." Paddy replies, "No, no, we've had ourselves a meeting, and we've decided to declare war on you."
So SH says, "OK Paddy, now listen, I've got an air force of over a thousand planes, what kind of air force have you got to match that? It'd be over in no time." So Paddy says, "Well my lad's got himself a hot-air balloon, and my brother used to work at an airport." Hussein laughs, "Oh come on, you've not got a hope". "Hold on a sec, Mr. Hussein, ", Paddy says, "we'll just have a quick meeting." So off he goes and has a quick meeting. more...
Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello". The voice at the end of the phone says "Hello Mr. Hussein, it's Paddy here. I'm just ringing to let you know that we've declared war on your country." SH smiles to himself, "Come on Paddy", he says, "there's no point you declaring war on us, you wouldn't stand a chance." Paddy replies, "No, no, we've had ourselves a meeting, and we've decided to declare war on you." So SH says, "OK Paddy, now listen, I've got an air force of over a thousand planes, what kind of air force have you got to match that? It'd be over in no time." So Paddy says, "Well my lad's got himself a hot-air balloon, and my brother used to work at an airport." Hussein laughs, "Oh come on, you've not got a hope". "Hold on a sec, Mr. Hussein, ", Paddy says, "we'll just have a quick meeting." So off he goes and has a quick meeting. more...
Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It is narrowed
down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal.
Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now
don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match
because of this "pretzel" hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this
hold! If he does, you're finished!" The wrestler nodded in agreement.
Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times
looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the
American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold!
A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in
his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the ending.
Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer fromthe crowd, and the trainer raised his eye
just more...
A man goes into a pet store to buy his wife a gift. He asks the clerk for something special. The clerk walks over to the bird section. "This is Ches. He was trained to sing Christmas carols. Watch."
The clerk lights a match and puts it under one of Ches' feet. The parrot immediately starts to sing 'Jingle Bells'.
"Why that's amazing!", exclaims the guy.
The clerk lights another match, and puts it under the other foot. This time the parrot starts singing 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.'
By this time the man is sold on the parrot, and so he pays the clerk and takes the parrot home to his wife. He lights a match and demonstrates Ches' unique ability. The guy then lights a second match and does the same thing. The wife and the guy enjoy the evening with their new pet.
A couple of days later, the wife asks the man, "What would happen if you put a match between his feet?"
The guy shrugs his shoulders and walks over to Ches, lights a more...
Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello".
The voice at the end of the phone says "Hello Mr. Hussein, it's Paddy here. I'm just ringing to let you know that we've declared war on your country."
SH smiles to himself, "Come on Paddy", he says, "there's no point you declaring war on us, you wouldn't stand a chance."
Paddy replies, "No, no, we've had ourselves a meeting, and we've decided to declare war on you."
So SH says, "OK Paddy, now listen, I've got an air force of over a thousand planes, what kind of air force have you got to match that? It'd be over in no time."
So Paddy says, "Well my lad's got himself a hot-air balloon, and my brother used to work at an airport."
Hussein laughs, "Oh come of, you've not got a hope".
"Hold on a sec, Mr. Hussein,", Paddy says, "we'll just have a quick meeting." So off he goes more...
Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them. The first guy asks for a big stack of books. The second guy asks for his wife. And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes. At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's cell. He comes out and says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific." They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife, and they've got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiuful new family. I love it." They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his pockets, going "Anybody got a match?"