Match Jokes / Recent Jokes
You know you're a redneck when you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
"I bet that India would win against Pakistan and lost Rs 1,000." Tommy told Rob.
"Hey, you bet Rs 1,000 for a single match?" Rob exclaimed.
"No Man, I bet Rs 500 on that match." Tommy replied.
"So, what happened to the other Rs 500?" Rob asked.
"My Friend, I bet on the highlights too." Tommy replied.
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless. At the same time he thinks this might be a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"The golfer says, "Certainly!" He makes the eagle.As the more...
1. You strike a match and light your nose. 2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad. 3. You hear a duck quacking and it's you. 4. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant. 5. You refill your glass from the fish bowl. 6. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!" 7. You start kissing the portraits on the wall. 8. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet. 9. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket. 10. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place. 11. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off. 12. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch. 13. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror. 14. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear. 15. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
The Rules of Bedroom Golf:
1.Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
2.Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3.Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4.For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5.Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6.Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.
7.It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.
8.Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are more...
The Russian wrestling team and American wrestling team are having a 5-on-5 exhibition match. Both teams are down to their final wrestlers, tied at two wins apiece. The remaining American wrestler is 5'10", 175lbs., and his Russian counterpart is 6'7", 300lbs and all muscle. The American coach sends his wrestler into the match with little hope of winning. As expected, the Russian has with way with the American. Suddenly, the American explosively turns the match around, pins the Russian, and gains the victory for the American team.
The American wrestler returns to the sidelines where the coach asks him, "Son, how were you able to defeat that big Russian? Honestly, I didn't give you much of a chance."
The wrestler says, "Well, coach, when he had me down on the ground all rolled up, I saw a pair of nuts dangling in front of my face, and I just bit them as hard as I could."
The coach is shocked. "That's how you beat him?!"
"Hell more...
A man was in a pub, describing his first cricket match to his mates.
'Well,' he said,' these two old men in white coats come out, followed by eleven more, also in white.
Then a couple of fellows with small planks of wood come out, one of the other lot threw a ball at him, he took a swipe at it, and if I' adn't pushed the wife in the way, it would have smashed me right in the face!'