Match Jokes / Recent Jokes

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, “I’d give anything to sink this next putt. ”
A stranger walks up to him and whispers, “Would you give up a fourth of your sex life? ”
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless, but also that perhaps this is a good omen, so he says, “Okay, ” and sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, “Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole. ”
The same stranger moves to his side and says, “Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life? ”
The golfer shrugs and says, “Sure. ”
He makes an eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win.
Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, “Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match? ”
The golfer says, “Certainly! ” He makes the eagle.
As more...

A Teacher Told All Students In A Class To Write An Essay On A Cricket Match.
All Were Busy Writing Except One Sardarji.
He Wrote “Due To Rain, No Match! ”

Intelligence Test Instructions:Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time? Start.1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? ____________________5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would more...

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

One day the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I am, to even it a bit, you have to spot me two 'gotchas'." The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went.
Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were greatly amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100. "What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand up between my legs and grabbed me while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"

At the Roses match, a small spectator was enjoying the game. When the batsman made a fine stroke he clapped enthusiastically, and applauded equally for good fielding from the other side. This seemed to bother the man sitting next to him, who growled,' You from Lancashire?'

'No.'

'Yorkshire?'

'No.'

'Well, keep yer mouth shut - game's nothing to do with thee!'

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
Players on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club into the hole and keep the balls out.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft, course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. Experienced players will normally lake time to admire the entire course, playing special attention to well formed bunkers.
Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the more...