Maybe Jokes / Recent Jokes

Stop neglecting children; at least learn their names and birthdays.
Stop circulating the "Good Times Virus" and "Join the Crew" e-mail.
Read all of the mail from all of the lists I have subscribed to.
Limit my subscriptions of lists to a maximum of fifty.
Back-up 4 gig hard drive weekly; well, maybe at least monthly.
Not rush to any ftp site as soon as I hear of a new Beta.
Insist that all "ten best" lists be strictly limited to ten.
Not buy magazines with AOL disks just to get another 1.44MB disk.
Answer Snail Mail with the same enthusiasm & promptness as e-mail.
Spend less than two hours a day on the Web; on new sites anyway.
Try the e-mail version of the Mrs. Fields cookie recipe.
Promise when I hear "Where do you want to go today?", I won't laugh. (Well, maybe not!)
Think of a password other than "password" to use on web sites.
Never "throw" another snowball via e-mail; more...

A professional wrestler went vacation in the depths of Louisiana and decided he wanted to get a pair
of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, he shouted,
"maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable
price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of your friends who
were in here earlier saying the same thing."
So the our friend headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men
standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the other two professional wrestlers the
guy in town was talking about."
Just then, he saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of more...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the more...

A redneck is walking along the beach in France. There are many beautiful women lying in the sun, and he really wants to meet one. But try as he might, the women don't seem to be at all interested. Finally, as a last resort, he walks up to a French guy lying on the beach who is surrounded by adoring women.
"Excuse me," he says, taking the guy aside, "but I've been trying to meet one of those women for about an hour now, and I just can't seem to get anywhere with them. You're French. You know these women. What do they want?"
"Maybe I can help a leetle beet," says the Frenchman. "What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way."
"Wow! Thanks!" says the redneck, and off he goes to the store. He buys a skimpy red bathing suit, puts it on, and goes back to the beach. He parades up and down the beach but still has no luck with the more...

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Dear Connie,
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait any more. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.
In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride has cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad any more. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.
Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not
even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Raffles and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to more...

Tondo, Manila
May 16, 1957 Dearest Pal. Hello! How's life going on there. I hope that you are in good health upon receiving my letter or may be you got suspened "coz" you did not expect that you can receive a letter from me. But before the world prolong into a line may I ask first you a gretest apology if ever I disturb you rest and relaxation expecially that when you are in concentration of you studying. And at the same time Pal, I greet you pleasant hello. I hope you can enjoing your life there. Pal, maybe you ask to yourself there if were came I know your name. By the pal, I found your name from column of song hit. And then I decide to make this letter for the reason that I want also a friend in other places so don't think any malice here my lettter okey!. But before I go to further may I introduce first my simple personality to you. Well....... beginning for the love of my parent they got a boy and have a name. My name is Joseph Marcelo Ejercito a fourth year high more...