Maybe Jokes / Recent Jokes

You may want to compile a list of Radio "one-liners" like:
WKDU: More static, more of the time...
You're listening to WKDU. No one else is, but you are.
This is KFJC and you are listening to our hour-long music-free commercial sweep.
WQHS. 73 on your AM dial. Or, if you have an expensive radio, 730.
Are your friends laughing at you? Maybe it's because you are not listening to WQHS, 730 on your AM dial, on the University of Pennsylvania campus. Or maybe it's because you're ugly.
This has been xxx at KFJC reminding you that animals are your friends, but they won't pick you up at the airport.
WKDU: Broadcasting with TEN MILLION microwatts of POWER!
Hi. This is Swamp Thing and we say that you should listen to WQHS because... because... well, do you REALLY have anything better to do?

1.But everybody looks funny naked!
2.You woke me up for that?
3.Did I mention the video camera?
4.Do you smell something burning?
5.(In a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
6.Try breathing through your nose.
7.A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
8.Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9.Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10.But whipped cream makes me break out.
11.Person 1: This is your first time... right?
Person 2: Yeah... today.
12.Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
13.Can you please pass me the remote control?
14.Do you accept Visa?
15.ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
16.On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
17.And to think - I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18.So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19.(Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20.Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...
21.Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the more...

Before Columbus' discovery why did mankind think the Earth was flat?

Doesn't the Bible in Isaiah 40-22 state that the Earth is a sphere?

Do brainstorms come with thunder and lightning?

Does anyone ever stop to think that maybe just maybe this question is totally pointless?

Does thought depend on language?

Don't you think that a hunch is just creativity trying to tell you something?

Don't you think that if everybody thinks nobody rules yet if somebody rules the rest are not permitted to think?

Have you ever stopped to think and forget to start again?

How can you think out loud?

How deep does a thought have to be to be a deep thought?

How do we know if it's later than we think?

How do we know if we're thinking straight?

How does one' pay attention'? Any do they accept Visa?

If great minds really think alike then what makes them so more...

Things Men Should "Never" Say After Sex:
1) "I was kidding about being sterile, you know."
2) "Do you always fart like that when someone shoves it in?"
3) "How come it's so BIG in there?"
4) "You've done this with a lotta guys before-right?"
5) "Next time I come over, don't bother with the underwear, OK?"
6) (Sniff, sniff) "Is that CAT food?"
7) (Yelling) "OK guys, it's a wrap, cut, and print it!!"
8) "You are great in bed, but your sister gives better head!"
9) "My first wife was prettier, but you can screw a lot better."
10)"Do you know what a 'douche' is?"
11)"Maybe if you did some pushups, your boobs would grow."
12)"I want you to try some of MY deodorant."
13)"I'm not into relationships. Can't we just screw, like every Tuesday night or something?"
14)"Maybe if you lost some weight, more...

Things Men Should "Never" Say After Sex:1) "I was kidding about being sterile, you know."2) "Do you always fart like that when someone shoves it in?"3) "How come it's so BIG in there?"4) "You've done this with a lotta guys before-right?"5) "Next time I come over, don't bother with the underwear, OK?"6) (Sniff, sniff) "Is that CAT food?"7) (Yelling) "OK guys, it's a wrap, cut, and print it!!"8) "You are great in bed, but your sister gives better head!"9) "My first wife was prettier, but you can screw a lot better."10)"Do you know what a 'douche' is?"11)"Maybe if you did some pushups, your boobs would grow."12)"I want you to try some of MY deodorant."13)"I'm not into relationships. Can't we just screw, like every Tuesday night or something?"14)"Maybe if you lost some weight, I could get it all the way in!"15)"I never saw a girl with more...

Be sure and ALWAYS cancel your credit cards before you die.........

This is just so priceless.... and so easy to see happening, customer "service" being what it is....

My Aunt died this past January. Citi Bank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge... the balance had been $20. 00... now was somewhere around $60. 00

I placed the following phone call to CitiBank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

CitiBank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections..."

CitiBank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."

Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

CitiBank: "Either report her account to the more...

Two nuns are on vacation in Transylvania. Despite all the warnings to the contrary, they've stayed out after dark. Sure enough, as they're driving along, a vampire flies out of the night and lands on their windshield, hissing and baring his horrible bloody fangs.
"Dear Lord! What shall we do?" cries the first nun.
"Turn on the windshield wipers. Maybe that will break his grip," answers the second nun.
No luck. Now the vampire is wet and angry. He claws at the windshield.
"Now what shall we do?" yells the first nun, getting even more scared.
"Weave the car back and forth. Maybe he'll fall off," says the second nun.
No luck. The vampire is beating on the glass now, and it's starting to crack.
"NOW WHAT!?!?!" cries the first nun.
The second nun tries to remember how to get rid of vampires. She has a sudden flash of insight. "Show him your cross!" she yells, triumphantly.
The second nun sticks more...