Mayday Jokes

A blonde is on board a small two seater plane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio.
"Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!"
Ground control receive her call for help and answers back:
"Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position"
"I'm 5"2' and sitting in the front"

There was this blind man on an airplane and while he was up in the air, the two pilots that were flying died. This man felt the plane rocking more than normal so he went up to the cock-pit and asked what was wrong and got no answer. He reached down and felt one of the pilots pulse, and then moved him to the floor and got on the radio and yelled, "Mayday, mayday, I'm a blind man, my pilots are dead, I can't fly and the plane is upside down."

Someone answers and says, "Okay sir, now you said you were blind. How can you tell that the pilots are dead and that you're flying upside down?"

The blind man said, "Well I felt for their pulse and they had none. And the way I can tell that the plane is flying upside down is I can feel the crap running down my neck!"

George Bushes, father Bush and son Bush, Bush, Jr., are on board a small two seater plane when suddenly George Senior, the pilot, parachutes out of the plane. Not knowing how to fly, National Guard Service or not, a plane George, Jr., grabs the radio.

"Mayday, mayday! My Dad just jumped out of the plane!"

Ground control receives the call for help and answers back:

"Your dad?"

"He left me here! Took the parachute!"

"Sir, your dad?"

"He`s the pilot! Gosh!"

"Okay, don`t worry, sir. I`ll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position."

"I`m over six feet and sitting in the front!"

A blonde was onboard a small two seater plane when the pilot suddenly died. Not knowing how to fly a plane, she grabbed the radio and yelled, "Mayday, mayday! The pilot just died."
Receiving her call for help, air traffic control answered back, "Don't worry ma'am. I can talk you down if you follow my instructions. First, I need to know your height and position."
"Ok," the blonde replied. "I'm 5' 4 " and I'm sitting in the front."

*Panama hats come from Ecuador not Panama.

*Human birth control pills work on gorillas.

*In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

*S. O. S. doesn't stand for "Save Our Ship" or "Save Our Souls" -- It was chosen by an 1908 international conference on Morse Code because the letters S and O were easy to remember and just about anyone could key it and read it, S = dot dot dot, O = dash dash dash.

*Crickets hear through their knees.

*A' jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

*The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

*Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by Bayer.

*U. S. Interstates which go north-south are numbered sequentially starting from the west with odd numbers, and Interstates which go east-west are numbered sequentially starting from the south with even numbers.

*According to Genesis 1: 20-22 the more...