Mayonnaise Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter.
"Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered.
"Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special."
"What's a Midnight Special?"
"A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread."
"Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?"
"Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out:
"One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"
Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.
Mexicans were crazy about the stuff.
The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today.
It is known, of course, as...Sinko de Mayo.
What's the difference between mayonnaise and sperm?
Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at 40 mph.
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered.
"Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special."
"What's a Midnight Special?"
"A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread."
"Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?"
"Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered."Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special.""Whats a Midnight Special?""A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread.""Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?""Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"
FINALLY, a way to know what to throw-out and what to save!
THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).
EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yoghurt. Yoghurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realise you've never purchased that kind.
MAYONNAISE
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.
FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled - (or more...
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. "Give me a corned beef sandwich," he ordered. "Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special." "What's a Midnight Special?" "A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread." "Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?" "Why, sure!" Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: "One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!"