Mayor Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.
About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three more...

An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery.
During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!"

Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen."
From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen."

This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.

Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. "You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can't believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!"

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest.

But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at more...

Great Thinkers of Our Time? Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would liveforever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not liveforever." -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over theworld, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like thatbut not with all those flies and death and stuff." -- Mariah Carey"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the samereactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discoveredother similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are." -- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." -- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his more...

The Mayor of Vidor has decided not to take part in a town hall meeting on race relations CNN plans to broadcast across the nation.

It is the outgrowth of a CNN special report last week on race relations in America. The report included a story about Vidor. A technical problem at the local Time Warner Cable office prevented all but a few seconds of the story from airing in Beaumont and Vidor. The story was broadcast one night later. Vidor Mayor Joe Hopkins and several other people complained that the story was based on decades-old information and reinforced racial stereotypes about Vidor.

" After a lot of prayer and consideration, I don't think it's in the best interest of anyone involved that I participate," Hopkins told KFDM News Monday afternoon. "I will decline the invitation from CNN to take part in the town hall meeting. I left a voice message with the senior producer on site."

"Besides," added the mayor, "It will be a more...

Prime Minister Jean Chretien was meeting with officials in Flin Flon, Manitoba. It was a very hot day and the ceremonies took place outside in a local grandstand. The Mayor was surprised to see that Chretien was wearing a large fox fur hat, despite the heat.
After a while the mayor leaned over and spoke up. "Excuse me, Mr. Prime Minister, but I can't help wondering why you are wearing that fox hat when it is so warm?"
Chretien shrugged. "Well, you know 'ow it is", he replied. "My wife, she is da dresser in da family, so I always take 'er advice.
If I go to de Maritime, she say 'Wear da toque'.
If I go to Calgaree, she say 'Wear da stetson'.
Dis time she ask me where I go; I say Flin Flon.
She say 'Flin Flon! Where the fock's 'at ?'
So I did!"

A Jordanianmayor is suing a newspaperover an April Fools' Day report saying aliens were nearby. He almostevacuated the town's 13,000 frightened residents. I totally disagreewith the mayor. He should tell his people to act likeAmericans - you don't see us overreacting just because a few millionillegal aliens arrive each year.

An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery.
During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!"
Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen."
From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen."
This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.
Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. "You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can't believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!"
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest.
But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said -
"I more...