Mcdonald Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman decided to have a face-lift for her birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On her way home she stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.

Before leaving she says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 35," was the reply.

"I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes to McDonald's for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "I'd guess that you're 29?"

"Nope, I am actually 47." She's starting to feel really good about herself.

While standing at the bus stop she asks an old man the same question.

He replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I fondle your breasts for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact more...

Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization: the 100GB Bug.
As most people know, McDonald's restaurant signs show the number of hamburgers the giant chain has sold. That number now stands at 99 billion burgers, or 99 Gigaburgers (GB).
Within months or even weeks, that number will roll over to 100GB. McDonald's signs, however, were designed years ago, when the prospect of selling one hundred billion hamburgers seemed unthinkably remote. So the signs have only two decimal places.
This means that, after the sale of the 100 billionth burger, McDonald's signs will read "00 Billion Burgers Sold." This, experts predict, will convince the public that, in over thirty years, no McDonald's hamburgers have ever in fact been sold, causing a complete collapse of consumer confidence in McDonald's products.
The ensuing catastrophic drop in sales is seen as almost certain to force the already-troubled company into bankruptcy. This, in turn, more...

And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.
And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.
And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man more...

A man decides to have a face lift as a special gift to himself for his birthday. He spends $6,000 and feels very good about the results.
On his way home, he stops at a newstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, he says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?
"I'd say about 36," replies the clerk.
"Nope, I'm actually 49," the man replies happily.
After leaving the newstand, he stops at McDonald's for lunch and asks the order taker the same question. "Oh, you look to be about 31," the order taker says.
"No, I'm actually 49," the man says, feeling even happier. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 82 and my eyesight is going. However, when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your privates for ten minutes, I'll be able to tell your exact age." Since there more...

Your "Quarter Pounder" has a long, thin tail.
The kid serving you has grill marks on his forehead.
Sign out front reads, "No shirt, no shoes, no reason you can't get a job here."
Their Mayor McCheese was caught in a hotel room smoking crack.
Blocking drive-thru is the bloated body of Wendy's founder Dave Thomas.
Manager takes a bite out of every burger to make sure it's okay.
In his photo, employee of the month is holding a mug shot number.
You spill vanilla shake and it burns a hole right through your pants.
A guy dressed as Ronald McDonald keeps asking to touch your food.
Their slogan: "Did somebody say 'E Coli'?"

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!" The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle."And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands."Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."