Meal Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young man who felt very guilty when he had to put his elderly father into a nursing home, went to visit him to see if he was adjusting properly. He was relieved to see how clean and nice the place was, and since his father was in the dining room having lunch he decided to join him. Part way through the meal his father started leaning to one side. Instantly an attendant appeared and straightened him up. Several minutes later, he leaned to the other side. Again, an attendant immediately ran over and helped him get upright in his seat. The rest of the meal was without incident, and over coffee the son asked the father how he felt about the nursing home.
Well son the place is nice and clean and the service is good, but there's one thing I really can't stand".
"What's that, asked the son?"
"They don't let you fart here"!

There once was 3 pigs at a restruant
the waiter came over and asked them what they wanted to drink
the 1st one said "ill have coke"
the 2nd one said "ill have sprite"
the 3rd one said "ill have water, lots of it"
then later the waiter asked what they wanted to eat
the 1st one said "ill have the #4 meal"
the 2nd one said "ill have the #87 meal"
the 3rd one said "ill have water lots of it"
after they were done the waiter asked if they wanted any thing for desert
the 1st one said "ummm no im fine"
the 2nd one said "no im very full"
the 3rd one said :ill have water lots of it"
then the waiter said "i dont mean to be rude but why do you keep ording water?"
the 3rd pig said "well, someone has to go we-we-we all the way home!"

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost.
It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone's home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most grateful if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my granddaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I more...

This is the story of two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another.
As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her,' Will you marry me?'
After about six seconds of' careful consideration,' she answered.' Yes, Yes, I will.'
The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. Did she say' yes' or did she say' no'? He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he more...

A man has been vacationing in Spain for a week. Due to leave the following day, he realizes that he hasn't tried the food yet.
He enters a restaurant and sit down at a table. Looking around, he notices what the man sitting at the next table has to eat and decides it looks quite tasty.
When the waiter comes to take his order, he tells the waiter he would like the same thing the other man has. The waiter apologizes and tells the man that they don't have any left. The man then asks the waiter what the meal is.
"That is the testicles from the bull that lost the bullfight this morning," the waiter explains. "If you come back tomorrow, I will save the same meal for you."
Prior to leaving Spain the following day, the man returns to the restaurant and the waiter has his meal prepared for him when he arrives. He eats his meal and while he does think it's delicious, he's confused about one thing. He calls the waiter over and says, "That was delicious, more...

Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a Widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another as the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, " Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of' careful consideration', she answered "Yes. Yes, I will."
The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to Their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say' yes' or did she say' no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just Could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to The telephone and called her.
First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When more...

Now that he has left office, the REAL story can finally be told.
Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff but was told that this was the best they could do at such short notice.
Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his fingers in the soup to taste it and again he complained to the chief of staff about the cook, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef.
The meal went okay but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little off, and by the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea. It was getting worse and worse until finally he had to excuse himself from the state dinner to use the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, more...