Mean Jokes / Recent Jokes
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
Why are the first three letters of diet DIE? No wonder this diet is killing me.
If your second doctor has a different opinion, does that make a paradox?
If you have two dimes, is that a new paradigm?
If you have two different viewpoints simultaneously is that a parasites?
If you hire two lawyers, does that mean that both lawyers could be replaced by one paralegal?
If you shoot two deer in one day is that called a parachute?
If you are lax about something, and then are lax about it again is that called a relax?
Do two normal people make one paranormal?
When somebody tells me to restrain myself, does that me I have to strain twice?
If you are a complete pessimist, does this mean you are positively negative?
When a person rewrites a poem to make it better, does that mean he is reversing himself?
When Bach or Beethoven erased a manuscript to make changes, were they decomposing?
Are two dice a paradise?
Gargamel (From the Smurfs)
Most likely LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in sissy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?
Olive Oyl
Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that skinny?! She might even be anorexic, she IS always giving her burger to her friend. One side question, what the heck are Popeye and Brutus thinking? They almost made the list for dating her.
Snagglepuss
Can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the look, but he is definitely suspicious.
He-Man
This is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1. "BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!" Makes me want to root for Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects the stuff in his pet tiger. Animal Abuse!
& 5. Yogi and Boo Boo
We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back to the cave and trip. Another side: Are they more...
I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
1. It's not a laugh to practice barking at 3a.m.
2. It's wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her.
3. He shouldn't jump on your bed when he's sopping wet.
4. The cats have every right to be in the living room.
5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive is stupid
6. Getting up does NOT mean we are going for a walk
7. Just because I'm eating, doesn't mean you can.
8. If you look at me with those big soppy eyes, I'm not going to give in and feed you. NOT NOT NOT. Oh, ok, just this once.
9. No, it's my food....Oh alright then, just a small piece.
I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.