Mean Jokes / Recent Jokes

The learned judge looked down from the bench at the young man who was suing his wife for divorce.
"Your Honor," the young man said, "I just can't live with my wife anymore. She's a hobosexual."
"Just one moment," interrupted the judge. "Don't you mean homosexual?"
"No, your Honor," replied the man. "I mean ho&osexual. You see, my wife's a bum lay."

Are your parents siblings?

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.
This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what and we'll get back you-know-when.
Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible.
I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.
HI. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.
I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the more...

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

There was a blonde little girl who decides to see what her family is doing.So she goes upstairs to her sisters room. She is saying bitches and dicks the little girls asks"What does that mean" and the sister says Ladies and Gentlemen. SHe goes to her bro who is saying pusseys and penis. The little girl asks what does that mean, he says um, unbrellas and raincoats. Then she goes to he dad who then says shit the girl says what does that mean. He says it means shaving like I am doing now. Then she goes to her mom who is cutting a turkey then says fuck, the girls says whay does that mean, she says cutting. The door ring and she answers it. It is her grandparents. The little girl then says Hello bitches and dick may i grab your pusseys and penis my dads up stairs shitting himself and my moms in the kitchen fucking a turkey.

A Father and his on were on their way to a bank when the ee a Big Rig Truck beeping, and the son asks "
Dad, Whats that mean?"
The Dad replys "
That mean its backing up, son."
They then go to the bank and are behind a HUGE woman and the son start making cracks about her weight. "
Stop it, son, your embarrassing me!"
The Dad ay, and the son stops. All of a udden, the woman's beeper went off and the son yelled "
Look out, Dad! shes backing up!!!
-Dusty