Meaning Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."
That evening, the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled, "The Meaning of Dreams."

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away."
"What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!"
With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly with his nose. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Bark" (meaning "dead as a doornail").
The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also carefully sniffed out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, more...

hi everyone, got some jokes here for you all....
>Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So
>he spots another worker on the ground
>floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the
>5th floor tries sign language.
>
>He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need",
>then moved his hand back and forth in a
>hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down
>his pants, whips out his chop and
>starts masturbating.
>
>The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground
>floor and says, "What the fuck is your
>problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".
>
>The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm
>coming!"

Politics: from the words "poly" meaning many, and "ticks" meaning "small blood-sucking parasites."

A construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. He spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand-saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chopper and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem? I said I needed a hand saw!"
The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"

A construction worker on the third floor of a building is in need of a handsaw. He sees another worker on the first floor and yells down to him, but the man indicates that he can't hear him. So, the guy on the third floor attempts to use some signs. He points to his eye, meaning 'I', then to his knee, meaning 'need', then he moves his hand back and forth, meaning 'handsaw'.
Seeing this, the worker on the first floor nods, drops his pants, and starts to masturbate.
The man on the third floor freaks out and runs down to the first floor screaming, "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you stupid or something?!? I was telling you that I need a handsaw?"
The guy on the first floor looks at him and replies, "I knew that. I was just telling you that I was coming!"

What is the meaning of afford? Its the car most sales representatives drive.