Meat Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Eight Worst Convenience Foods
And I thought nothing could top Hormel’s pickled eggs …
8. Meeter’s Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that’s sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.
7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label - he seems to be saying, “Go on, eat me already. ” The second-best thing is the presence of both “cooked mutton” and “mutton” in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.
6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you’re really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you’ll be pleased to learn that a more...

A communist party official opened a whorehouse to attract tourists
and their foreign currency. Adding up his books after a year,
he discovered he had lost a great deal of money.
"I don't understand it," he moaned. "I hired all the best girls.
Why, every single one of them has been a good loyal party member
for at least 30 years!"
An elderly man stands in line for hours at a Warsaw meat store (meat
is severely rationed). When the butcher comes out at the end of
the day and announces that there is no meat left, the man flies into
a rage.
"What is this?" he shouts. "I fought against the Nazis, I worked
hard all my life, I've been a loyal citizen, and now you tell me I
can't even buy a piece of meat? This rotten system stinks!"
Suddenly a thuggish man in a black leather coat sidles up and murmurs
"Take it easy, comrade. Remember what would have happened if you
had made an outburst like more...

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, “Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage? ”
The Saudi says, “What’s a shortage? ”
The Russian says, “What’s meat? ”
The North Korean says, “What’s an opinion? ”
The New Yorker, says, “Excuse me?? What’s excuse me? ”

Things you can only say at Thanksgiving!

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some.
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
19. How long do I beat it before it's ready?

Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing --------------------------------- It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill. (4) The man places the meat on the grill. (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no more...

When Winston Churchill was attending a buffet lunch he said to his American hostess,' May I have some breast?' The hostess replied,' In this country, Mr. Churchill, we say white meat or dark meat.' Churchill apologised and next day sent her an orchid along with a card which read,' I would be most obliged if you would pin this on your white meat.'

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.

A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"

The Saudi says, "What's a shortage?"

The Russian says, "What's meat?"

The North Korean says, "What's an opinion?"

The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"