Mechanical Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
A. Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

What is the difference between MechanicalEngineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, CivilEngineers build targets.

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry-cleaning business next door to the convent?
He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
What does an accountant do for birth control?
He talks about his business.
What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
What's an insolvency practitioner?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
What does more...

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!"
The doctor chimed more...

A mathematician is flying non-stop from Edmonton to Frankfurt with AirTransat. The scheduled flying time is nine hours.
Some time after taking off, the pilot announces that one engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "Don't worry - we're safe. The only noticeable effect this will have for us is that our total flying time will be ten hours instead of nine."
A few hours into the flight, the pilot informs the passengers that another engine had to be turned off due to mechanical failure: "But don't worry - we're still safe. Only our flying time will go up to twelve hours."
Some time later, a third engine fails and has to be turned off. But the pilot reassures the passengers: "Don't worry - even with one engine, we're still perfectly safe. It just means that it will take sixteen hours total for this plane to arrive in Frankfurt."
The mathematician remarks to his fellow passengers: "If the last engine breaks down, too, more...