"Comprehending Engineers" joke

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him."
Dramatic pause
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't
they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They
lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them
tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy
and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take Four
Q. What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A. Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Five
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take Six
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe
that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said,
"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up
the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll
stay with you and do anything you want." Again the engineer took the frog
out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't
you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible
problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They
had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine t