"SHORT PROFESSION JOKES" joke

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.
Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry-cleaning business next door to the convent?
He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
What does an accountant do for birth control?
He talks about his business.
What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
What's an insolvency practitioner?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
What does it mean when the Post Office flies the American Flag half mast?
They're hiring!
What is the definition of an engineer?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.
When does a person decide to become an engineer?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
What do engineers use for birth control?
Their personalities.
How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Why did the engineers cross the road?
Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass?
Mechanic.
Since her return to the UK, Louise Woodward has secured herself a job at McDonalds. All children get a free shake!
Why did the furniture salesman take six backless chairs to the doctor's office?
Because the doctor wanted to get a stool sample.