Medical Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man who was suffering from insomnia went to see his doctor. After giving him a thorough examination, the doctor was unable to find anything wrong with him.
"Look, if you ever hope to cure your insomnia, you must stop taking your troubles to bed with you," advised the doctor.
"Good advice, doc," the man replied, "but my wife refuses to sleep alone!"
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For a good time, hire a hooker,
For a lot of time, hire my attorney.
-Anonymous Prison Cell Graffiti
Q What is the difference between God and an orthopedic surgeon
A God dosn't think he is an orthopedic surgeon.
A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients
1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.
2. Be cheerful at all times. Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.
3.Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
4.Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.
6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily. Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, more...
A man with a long history of migraine headaches goes to see his doctor. The doctor does his history and physical and discovers that the poor man has had just about every therapy known to man for his migraines, and still, there has been no improvement.
"Listen," the doctor says, "I suffer from migraines too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't anything I learned in medical school, it's advice I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home and soak in a nice hot bathtub for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little.
Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache disappears immediately. Give it a try, then come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns wearing a big grin. "Doc, you were right! I took your more...
What do you call 2 orthopedic doctors reading an EKG?
A double blind study!!!