Medium Jokes / Recent Jokes

A keen Texas lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. The store was the biggest in the world and sold everything under the sun.
"Have you ever been a salesman before?" the boss asked during his interview.
"Yes, I was a salesman in Texas," the lad answered.
The boss took an immediate liking to him and told him he could start the next day. "I'll come and see how you made out after we close up," the boss said.
The day was long and hard for the young man, but finally it was 5 o'clock. The boss closed up the store and found the lad sitting, slumped and exhausted, in a chair. "How many sales did you make today?" the boss asked.
"One," said the lad.
"One?" said the boss, obviously displeased. "Most of the sales people on my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"
"Exactly $101,334.53," said the young man.
"How did you manage more...

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare? A: 6 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.

Further evidence that if you try to make something' Idiot Proof,' the universe will invent better idiots.... Herewith, some [more] evidence that the gene pool may need a little chlorine: ----------

Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.

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I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.

So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. --------

Warning!

At a grocery store in San Jose, they have new credit card / bank card readers at the checkout stands. If you don't more...

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small", $6,500 for "medium", $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

A man had a terrible accident and his private parts were injured.
The doctor reassured him that modern medicine made it possible for his privates to be rebuilt, but insurance didn't cover the expense. It was considered cosmetic.
He had three choices: small for $3,500, medium for $6,500, and large for $14,000.
The man was sure he'd want a medium or large.
The doctor suggested that he discuss it with his wife privately before a final decision was made.
The doctor left the room and while he was gone the man called his wife and told her their options.
The doctor returned and found the man looking very sad.
"Did you make a decision?" the doctor asked.
"Yes," said the man. "My wife would like to remodel the kitchen."

Little Johnny applied for a salesman's job at a big department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him,' Have you ever been a salesman before?'' No, this is my first job,' said the lad, but the boss liked the cut of him and said,' You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up.' The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked,' How many sales did you make today?'' One,' said the young salesman.' Only one?' blurted the boss,' Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth??'' Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars.' said Little Johnny.' How did you manage that?' asked the flabbergasted boss.' Well,' said Little Johnny,' this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big more...

On AppearanceExcessive use of perfume makes a woman less desirable. Perfumes are manufactured from fragrances of herbs, flowers, and other substances that are put into some medium that is strong enough to hold the odor. That medium is often ambergris...a secretion from the intestines of the sperm whale. In other words, you and your man may smell the odor of whale puke instead of enjoying the fragrance of flowers or herbs.Cleanliness is especially important. If a woman uses enough soap and has that clean, fresh look that a recent shower gives, she could wear a potato sack and still be desirable for her male.T-shirts are great. It doesn't take much male imagination to know that in less than five seconds, they are off over your head.Food particles between the teeth, especially the front teeth, are highly undesirable.On DatingIf you need to pass gas (fart), excuse yourself from his presence. Try not to destroy illusions by unpleasant odors. If you need to pass gas, face him..If you must more...