Mental health Jokes / Recent Jokes

Doctor, doctor, people tell me Im a wheelbarrow. Dont let people push you around.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? "How long have you been having this phantasy?"

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? "Why does the light bulb necessarily have to change?"

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but he must consult the DSM-IV.

What do Psychologists say to each other when they meet?" "You're fine, how am I? "

The head doctors in an insane asylum had a meeting and decided that one of their patients was potentially well. So they decide to test him and take him to the movies. When they get to the movie theater, there are signs of wet paint pointing to the benches. The doctors just sit down, but the patient puts a newspaper down first and then sits down. The doctors get all excited cause they think maybe he's in touch with reality now. So they ask him, " Why did you put the newspaper down first?" He answers, "So I'd be higher and have a better view."

A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed. "Doc, youve got to help me. I cant go on like this.""Whats the problem?" the docotor inquired."Well, Im 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.""My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week youll have women buzzing all around you."The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor."It worked alright. For the past several weeks Ive e njoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking more...