Menu Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a more...

This is the story of a different kind. No melting CPU's, no screaming
disc drives, just the kind of psychological torture that scars a man
for life.
I had a 9:00 meeting with my sales rep. I needed to buy an entire new
series 70, the works. He said it'd take about an hour. Three hours
later, we'd barely got the datacomm hardware down on paper, so he
invited me downstairs for lunch.
This was my first experience in an HP cafeteria. Above the service
counter was a menu which began...
MMU's (Main Menu Units)
0001A Burger. Includes sesame-seed bun.
Must order condiments 00110A separately
001Deletes seeds.
002 Expands burger to two patties.
00020A Double cheeseburger, preconfigured. Includes cheese,
bun and condiments.
001 Add-on bacon.
002 Delete second patty.
003 Replaces second patty with extra cheese.
00021A Burger Upgrade to Double Cheeseburger
001 From Single Burger.
002 From Double Burger.
003 more...

Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450? my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming."I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All My Modems. more...

Santa and Banta, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant.
While looking at the menu, Banta noticed Santa looking at the vegetarian section of the menu.
"What would you like Santa?" he asked.
"I'm looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish," Santa replied.
"Santa, you like meat and potatoes. You won't like that dish," Banta said.
"What do you know," answered Santa, "I'm getting it."
"Santa, I'm telling you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won't like it!" Banta exclaimed.
"I'm getting it and that is the last word!" says Santa.
A short while later the meals arrive at the table.
Santa looks down and his dish and says to Banta, "Where are my eggs?" SantaBanta
Poor Santa ! "Santa and his girlfriend were out driving one day. He noticed that she kept looking at him and smiling.
Then she leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Can you drive more...

Santa and Banta, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai Restaurant.
While looking at the menu, Banta noticed Santa looking at the vegetarian section of the menu.
"What would you like Santa?" he asked.
"I’m looking at this Eggplant Spicy dish," Santa replied.
"Santa, you like meat and potatoes. You won’t like that dish," Banta said.
"What do you know," answered Santa, "I`m getting it."
"Santa, I`m telling you, you are a meat and potatoes kind of guy. You won’t like it!" Banta exclaimed.
"I’m getting it and that is the last word!" says Santa.
A short while later the meals arrive at the table.
Santa looks down and his dish and says to Banta, “Where are my eggs? ”

One day a blind man came into a restaruant. A waiter came to him and asked "Would you like a menu, sir?".
The man said "No thanks but if you bring me a dirty fork I'll tell you what I want."
So the waiter brings him a dirty fork and the blind man sniffs it. Then he said "bring me the meatloaf and mashed potatos". So the waiter brings him meatloaf and mashed potatos.
The next day the same blind guy comes in. The waiter doesn't recognize him and asks if he would like a menu. The blind man says, "No but if you bring me a dirty fork I'll tell you what I want."
So the waiter brings him a dirty fork. The man sniffs it and says "I'd like the lasagna with extra cheese please". So the waiter brings him the lasagna.
The next day the blind man comes in and the waiter recognizes him. The waiter says "Let me guess you want a dirty fork, right?"and the blind man says "Yes I would.".
The waiter gets a clean more...