Menu Jokes / Recent Jokes

A duck walks into a bar, sits down at the barstool, and waits for the bartender.
The bartender walks up, hands the duck a menu, waits a while, and comes back to take his order. "
What'll it be?"
the bartender says.
The duck says, "
I think I'll have the grapes."
"
Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't serve grapes here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want."
The duck looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down. "
Ok, you got your order?"
The duck nods, saying, "
I'll think I'll have the grapes."
The bartender, kind of peeved from the duck, says, "
Look Mac, we don't have any grapes here. This is a bar. We don't serve grapes, so what will you have?!"
The duck looks at him in the eyes and says, "
I'll have the grapes."
The bartender, enraged, shouts, "
If you ask for the grapes one more time more...

A duck walks into a bar, sits down at the barstool, and waits for the bartender. The bartender walks up, hands the duck a menu, waits a while, and comes back to take his order. "What'll it be?" the bartender says.The duck says, "I think I'll have the grapes." "Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't serve grapes here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want." The duck looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down. "Ok, you got your order?" The duck nods, saying, "I'll think I'll have the grapes." The bartender, kind of peeved from the duck, says, "Look Mac, we don't have any grapes here. This is a bar. We don't serve grapes, so what will you have?!" The duck looks at him in the eyes and says, "I'll have the grapes."The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask for the grapes one more time I'm going to nail your feathered a** to the barstool!!" The bartender cools more...

International Travellers Bloopers
1. On a French passenger jet: Live West Under Your Seat.
2. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
3. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
4. In an Athens hotel: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
5. In a Yugoslav hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
6. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
7. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
8. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension (???).
9. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today: more...

Rank Group, PLC announced it will sell the Hard Rock Cafe chain to the Seminole tribe of Florida for E$725 million (US$965 million, BeaverPelt2.7 trillion).

Collectors are already lining up to order the latest T-shirt: Hard Rock Cafe - Little Big Horn

The new owners are expected to add some new menu items while still keeping the chain restaurant feel. New menu items include Cherry-kee Cheesecake, Last of the Mochaccinos and Custard's Last Flan.


The tribe doesn't plan any major changes to the restaurants but has said they will no longer accept walk-in business. You need to have a reservation.

Tech Support: I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.
Customer: OK.
Tech Support: Did you get a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
Customer: No.
Tech Support: OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?
Customer: Sure, you told me to write' click' and I wrote
'click'.
(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest
of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't,
however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: OK, did you type' click' with the keyboard?
Customer: I have done something dumb, right?

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner more...

Calkin's Law of Menu Language: The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.