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After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie.
She said I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie."What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
"I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you," I responded. "Just the two of us."
She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much."
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to more...
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to theblind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read themenu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previouscustomer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirtydish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns tothe blind man's table and hands it to him. The blindman puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deepbreath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf andmashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walkstowards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner'swife and he tells her what had just happened. The blindman eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the ownermistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man.""I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you adirty fork." The owner again more...
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write' click' and I wrote' click'."
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.
As they read the menu the waitress comes over and asks Clinton, "Are you ready to order?"
Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie."
"A quickie?!?" The waitress replies. "Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu." She walks away.
Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Bill, it's pronounced 'Quiche.'"
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.
As they read the menu, the waitress comes over and asks Clinton,
"Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a
quickie!"
"A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the past
situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea.
I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu!" She walks
away.
Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."
Attempt To Spend 5 Years Working At Mcdonalds, And Not Get Promoted.
Ensure That Any Promotions You Do Get Are From Stepping On The Dead Bodies Of Your Co-Workers.
Needle Gun The Aluminum Siding On Your House After Your Neighbors Have Gone To Bed.
When Your Children Are In Bed, Run Into Their Room With A Megaphone, And Shout At The Top Of Your Lungs That Your Home Is Under Attack, And Order Them To Man Their Battle Stations. ("General Quarters, General Quarters, All Hands Man Your Battle Stations!")
Make Your Family Menu A Month Ahead Of Time And Do So Without Checking The Pantry And Refrigerator.
Post A Menu On The Refrigerator Door Informing Your Family That You Are Having Steak For Dinner. Then Make Them Wait In Line For At Least An Hour, When They Finally Get To The Kitchen, Tell Them That You Are Out Of Steak, But You Have Dried Ham Or Hot Dogs. Repeat Daily Until They Don't Pay Attention To The Menu Any More So more...
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.As they read the menu, the waitress comes over and asks Clinton,"Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like aquickie!""A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the pastsituation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu!" She walksaway.Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."