Metre Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mother (To Child): Wake Up! Wake Up! You Are Being Late!
Child: Mom I Do'nt Want To Go To School
Mother: But Why?
Child: I Saw A Dream
Mother: What Dream?
Child: I Was Running A 100 Metre Race!
Mother: So?
Child: I Am Tired

Englishman Irishman Maoriman sitn in a bar talkn bout how there wifes enjoy there sex
Englishman ses after me finish wiv my mrs she rises half a metre off the bed she loves it. The old irishman ses thats fuck all mate my mrs rises metre and a half off the bed she thinks me is god
The maoriman ses yeah thats nothn after ive finished wiv my mrs an i go wipe my cock on the curtain she hits the fuckn roof

A driver, who crashed into the side of a 3000 ton wheat train
and was dragged in his car more than a kilometre before being slammed
into a pylon at the edge of a cliff, fell to his death as he walked
for help.
The Queensland, Australia man, 63, and his female companion, 64, were
driving along the Newell Highway near Moree, in Northwestern New
South Wales, on Wednesday night, police said.
Their car crashed into the side of a fully laden, 600 metre long
train at a level crossing. (I guess that would be harder to miss
than the side of a barn!) The vehicle became wedged between the
second last and last carriages and was dragged sideways beside the
track as the train continued towards Moree, a police spokeswoman
said.
After being carried more than a kilometre and a half they approached
an unfenced bridge with a 10 metre drop, the spokeswoman said.
Moments before they reached the precipice, the car was struck by a
pylon, more...

Apparently true...

Why we have AQIS Australian Quarantine Inspection Service - creepy. Apparently its completely true.

This bloke and his family were on holiday in the States and went to Mexico for a week. As he is an avid cactus fan he bought a rare and expensive cactus there, it was about a metre high and cost about $500 Aus. He got it home and the customs people were none too impressed so they said it must stay in quarantine for 3 months, cost $800 or so.

He finally got his cactus home and planted it in his backyard where over time it grew to about 2 metres or so in height.

One evening after a beautiful warm spring day he was out watering his garden and thought he might give the cactus a light spray. This he did and was amazed to see the plant shiver all over, he gave it another light spray and it shivered and shook again. All its arms moved. He was puzzled so he rang the council who put him on to the state gardens.

After a few more...