Mexican Jokes / Recent Jokes

The American tourist got the shock of his life when a Mexican
with a 6 shooter jumped out from behind a cactus.
"Take my money, my car but don't kill me", said the tourist.
"I no kill you if you do what I say," said the Mexican.
"Just unzip your pants and start masturbating," he ordered.
Although shocked, the tourist did what he was told. "Right, now
do it again" said the Mexican.
The Yank protested but with the gun against his nose, he managed
again.
"And yet again, Gringo, or I shoot you dead."
With sweat running down his brow, the yank managed a final effort
and fell exhausted.
"Good" said the Mexican, "now you give my sister a ride to the
next village."

Why are there only two paul-bearers at a Mexican funeral? There are only two handles on a garbage can!

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says "We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive" The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

A Mexican bandit held up a bank in Tucson. The sheriff and his deputy chased him. When they captured him, and the sheriff, who couldn't speak Spanish, asked him where he'd hidden the money. "No se nada," he replied.
The sheriff put a gun to the bandit's head and said to his bi-lingual deputy: "Tell him that if he doesn't tell us where the money is right now, I'll blow his brains out." Upon receiving the translation, the bandit became very animated. "Ya me acuerdo! Tienen que caminar tres cuadradas hasta ese gran arbol. Debajo del arbol, alli esta el dinero." The sheriff leaned forward. "Yeah? Well..?"
The deputy replied: "He says he wants to die like a man."

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy more...

Q. Why doesnt mexico have a olympic team? A. Because every mexican that can run, jump, and swim is already across the border!

a mexican is caught jumping the boarder so the guy says ill be easy on if you can make a sentence using these words you can go free green yellow pink so the mexican says green green green I pink up the phone and say yellow!!!