Meyer Jokes

According to USA Today, Stpehanie Meyer authored the top four best selling books of 2009. The Bible, of course, is the best-selling book of all time. But think how many more copies could have been sold if Jesus was a vampire.

Florida football coach Urban Meyer, who had resigned for health and family reasons, changed his mind 20 hours later after an emotional team meeting, an hour of practice, and a telephone conversation with Brett Favre.

Meyer’s second pet
Meyer’s parrot had died and he was lonely once again. He quickly decided that life would be more fun if he had another pet. So Meyer went back to the Golders Green pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy another pet, but this time a bit more unusual. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.
Meyer took the box home. He found a good place to put it and decided he would immediately take his new pet to the local pub to have a drink and show it off. He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to The Leather Bottle with me and have a beer?"
But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered Meyer a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked his pet again, "How about going to The Leather Bottle and having a drink with me?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So Meyer waited a few minutes more, more...

Meyer, a lonely widower, was walking home along Delancey Street one day wishing something wonderful would change his life, when he passed a Pet Store and heard a squawking voice shouting out in Yiddish, "Quawwwwk. .. vus machst du. .. yeah, du. .. outside, standing like a schlmiel. .. eh?"
Meyer rubbed his eyes and ears. He couldn't believe it. The proprietor sprang out of the door and grabbed Meyer by the sleeve. "Come in here, fella, and check out this parrot. .."
Meyer stood in front of an African Grey that cocked his little head and said, "Vus? Ir kent reddin Yiddish?"
Meyer turned excitedly to the store owner. "He speaks Yiddish?"
"Vuh den? Chinese maybe?"
In a matter of moments, Meyer had placed five hundred dollars down on the counter and carried the parrot in his cage away with him. All night he talked with the parrot in Yiddish. He told the parrot about his father's adventures coming to America, about more...

...Meyer Levy, a former Rabbi who renounced his faith in the 1980's, has been re-doctrinated back into the Hebrew faith. When asked how it felt to enter a synogogue after all this time, Meyer replied, "Rejewvenated."