Middle Jokes / Recent Jokes
The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."
One sardu was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane. He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the sardaji told:"I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji. Capt. told: "nothing. Ijust told him that only the middle more...
Q: Why is Bill Clinton called "middle of the road Democrat"?
A: Because he's got a wide yellow stripe down the middle of his two-lane back.
Once upon a time there was a man, he lived in the woods. The woods got cold in the winter, and burning up in the summer. But in the spring and fall it was just right.
He lived alone, so he was always bored. He sometimes read a book, drew, or just sat on the middle of his cabin floor staring at stuff, since he didn't have cable.
The man had never had sex either so he always wondered how to do it. He had had directions along time ago from his mom and dad, but he couldn't remember all of them.
The man finally figured out how to do it. The only problem was that he had no woman to screw, so he thought up a plan.
He was to go to the city. But the city was 100 miles away, he had no car, and he had never been there, so he had no idea what to do. All he knew was that he had to go east.
So the man went east and ended up in the middle of the city.
He went automaticlly to a hooker and said I'll pay you to give me sex, the woman said okay!
They got to a hotel room and more...
A middle aged woman went to the gynecologist and was told she was in perfect health and had the vagina of a 20 year old. She was so excited, she ran home to tell her husband. "What about your fifty year old asshole?" he asked "He didn't say anything about you, dear." she replied
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs? ”
The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally exhausted and panting.
The other day I was scanning the food sections of three newspapers – the New York Times, the Washington Post and the Boston Globe. All had articles on Middle Eastern cuisine, albeit from different cultural demographics. The Times focused on the Sephardic Jewish cooking, the Post on the foods prepared by the Catholic and Orthodox populations, and the Globe went for the Ramadan meals for Muslims.
And guess what – the Jews, Christians and Muslims were all eating the same thing! In fact, all three articles interviewed people from the same part of the region (the Syrian city of Aleppo).
To which I say to these groups: Just go into a kitchen together and start cooking – you’ll see how much you genuinely have in common. Forget about sending Condi Rice to the Middle East...send Rachael Ray and have her get the warring parties around a stove. We’d have both peace and dinner in less than 30 minutes!