Mike Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Girl gets two tattoos on her inner thighs: one of Mike Tyson on her right inner thigh and the other is of Evander Holifield on her left inner thigh. She points to them and asks the bartender "Does this look like Mike Tyson?" Bartender says "No."
She then asks "Does this look like Evander Holifield?" Bartender says "Nope sorry."
She's says "Well I want another opinion." She sees a drunk guy at the end of the bar. She points to her inner right thigh and asks him "Does this tattoo look like Mike Tyson?"
Drunk guy says "No." She points to her inner left thigh and asks "Well does this tattoo look like Evander Holifield?"
Drunk guy says "No but the one in the middle looks like Don King."

The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike.When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss said, "What's the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?""My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to laugh. I'm quitting tomorrow."

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately call each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though its only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man more...

When Mike got arrested, they told him, "Anything you say will be held against you." Mike said, "Claudia Schiffer's breasts."

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, Mike, you wait here, Im going to run in for confession, its been a long time. Pat enters the confessional and says, Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman. The priest asks, was it Mrs Murphy? no, Father, was the reply. Was it Mrs OBoyle? Again the reply was No, Father. Was it Mrs. OGrady? Pat said, Father, Ill not be teling you the ladys name! So the priest told him to say two Hail Marys for each time he had sinned with the woman. Back on the street, Mike said, Well, how did you do? Pat said, Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects!

John and Mike are walking from religious service. John wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Mike replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So John goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"
The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
John goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Mike says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." And so Mike goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are more...