Pat Jokes

God summons Pat Buchanan, Nelson Mandela and Shimon Peres. He promises to grant each of them one wish.
Mandela says, "I'd like all of the black people in America who aredescendants of slaves to return to their African homeland."
"No problem," answers God.
Peres says, "I want all of the Jews in the Diaspora to come to the Land of Israel and make it their home."
"It's done," says God. "Pat, you're next. What's your wish?"
Buchanan looks around at Mandela and Peres and asks God, "Did those two guys really get their wishes?"
"Of course," says God.
"Well in that case," says Buchanan, "just gimme a Diet Coke."

Two seniors are standing in front of the Hotel Duluth when they see a penguin walking by. Pat grabs it and asks Mike, "what should I do with him?"

Mike says, "Why don't you take him out to the zoo?"

The next day in front of the Hotel, Mike sees Pat walking with the penguin on a leash. "I thought I told you to take him to the zoo," says Mike.

"I did," says Pat, "and we had such a good time that tonight I think I'll take him to the hockey game!"

An Irishman was dying and his wife was at his bedside.
She says: "Pat, you've been a wonderful husband all these years. Is there anything at all that I can do for you before you go."
Pat says: "No Mary, nothing at all."
Mary says: "Now Pat, isn't there a thing I can do for you."
Pat says: "Mary, The priests been here, I've been shriven. There's nothing more to do."
Mary persists: "Pat, tis forty and more years you've taken such good care of me and the kids. There has to be one more thing I can do for you before you die."
Pat says: "Well Mary, is that one of your famous apple pies I smell baking in the oven?"
She says: "Yes it is, Pat."
He says: "Well, if I could have one more piece of your famous apple pie before I go."
She says: "The hell with you. That's for the wake."

Mike and Pat went hunting. Mike saw a large goose fly by. He raised his rifle to shoot. Dont waste your time, Pat hollered. The rifle is not loaded. I cant wait, Mike shouted back. The bird will be gone if I take the time to load!

Subject: The Office Party
FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: Everyone
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't Be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director
DATE: December 2
RE: Christmas Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time.
Happy now?

FROM: Pat Lewis, Human Resources more...