Mile Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman was driving through the countryside late at night when her car
broke down. Not knowing anything about cars, she started to walk. A
mile down the road, she came to an old country farmhouse and knocked
on the door until two young men came out.
"Kin we help ya, miss?"
"Yes, my car broke down about mile back. I wonder if you could drive
me to the nearest town so I can get a tow truck?"
"Well, now, the town's all shut up right now and don't open back up
until tomorrow mornin'. But ah'll tell ya what, miss, mah brother here
an ah'll tow yer car over to the farmhouse and you kin spend the
night here with us."
The woman thought, "Well, I really don't have a choice. Besides, I
can handle myself," so she agreed.
After the two brothers towed her car back to the farmhouse, and they
were getting ready for bed, the first one said, "Yah know, miss, we
only got one bed in this here house, more...

Never say anything bad about a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. By then he`s a mile away, you have got his shoes, and your can say whatever you want to.

Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

Bills more...

Three agricultural scientists were determined to discover how much a pig could eat before it just had to take a shit. To this end they procured a Yorkshire sow and pushed a large cork into her arse.

After six weeks of force feeding, the sow was the size of the Goodyear airship and threatening to burst. Being humane types, the scientists agreed that the cork must now be removed.

No-one wished to volunteer for the job, however, so in true scientific tradition, they decided to train a monkey for the task and swiftly put a small gibbon through a crash course in cork-pulling.

The day came and the pig was air-lifted out to the desert for safety`s sake. Special equipment was set up to monitor the event. Picture the scene: In the middle of the desert, the pig. Behind the pig, the monkey. One mile behind him, the first scientists with a video camera. One mile behind that scientist are the other two scientists with a seismometer. Finally, the monkey reaches up more...

clever creatures
A visitor to Glacier National Park in Montana lost his car keys while attempting to lure a ground
squirrel by dangling the keys out in front of the critter. The squirrel grabbed the keys and ran down
a hole with them. The keys were never retrieved, a ranger cited the man for harassment of wildlife,
and a locksmith was called to make new car keys.
putting our loved ones at risk for a photo
In May of 1994, Tony Moore, 43, of Marietta, Georgia, was gored and seriously injured by a large male
bison in Yellowstone, next to the Lake Hotel. Moore and a friend had approached to within 15 feet of
the bison to have their pictures taken. While they were standing with their backs to the animal, it
charged. Moore's companion escaped, but Moore received a severe puncture wound in his right thigh and
was taken by ambulance to a hospital in Jackson for treatment.
watching for falling rocks
A visitor setting up camp at Lake more...