Million Jokes / Recent Jokes

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined.
Two weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined.
A month later the man offers 100 million; this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision "The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!"

Santa buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
Santa says, "I want my 10 million."
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 9 years."
Santa said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 9 years.
Santa, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 10 million right now, then I want my Rs 100 back!"

Mortal: What is a million years like to you?

God: Like one second.

Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?

God: Like one penny.

Mortal: Can I have a penny?

God: Just a second.

There is this guy that walks into a bar, and sees a genie, who grants him a wish.
The guy asked for "
million bucks"
and all of a sudden, he was surrounded by a million ducks. He asked the genie what happened, and a guy playing the piano in the corner says,"
why do you think that I have a 10 inch pianist?"

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3. 5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967. 7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and more...

When tenders were floated for the channel tunnel to connect England and France, many international building companies vied with one another to get the contract. The stakes were very high; the job of digging beneath the sea required great engineering skill and building expertise. Tenders were opened by the Board of Directors of the Anglo-French Corporation which had taken on the project. British builders' estimates were over 200 million dollars each; French and German builders were marginally lower. There was one from India: Singh & Singh Builders whose estimate was only 5 million dollars. The Board was for ignoring the Indian tender but out of curiosity invited Singh & Singh over to discuss the plans.
Banta Singh and Santa Singh of Singh & Singh Builders appeared before the Board. The Chairman asked them "Have you any experience of undertaking this kind of work?"
"Indeed we have," replied the two Singhs, "we bored a lot of tubewells in the Punjab and more...

All In A Days Work
Three bubbes were sitting around and bragging about their children.
Freda says, "Benny graduated with a first class honours degree from Oxford and he`s now a doctor making £250,000 a year in Harley Street."
Kitty says, "Sidney graduated with a first class honours degree from Cambridge and he`s now a lawyer making half a million pounds a year and he lives in the City."
Ethel says, "Abe never did well in school, never went to university but he now makes one million pounds a year working as a sports repairman."
The other two women ask, "So what`s a sports repairman?"
Ethel replies, "He fixes football matches, rugby matches, cricket matches....."